Father God,
I may not understand why you have given us this peculiar blessing of our child having autism but nonetheless Lord we receive it with thankfulness in our hearts because this comes from you so it must be a good thing despite the work it entails. The work indeed brings us closer to you. Of placing us in a position to trust you for the uncertain future ahead. And for leaning on you for our daily need of strength, patience, and perseverance. Putting to test and realizing that the verse “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me” is true. Truly Lord it is with such great need that we find ourselves daily at your mercy seat, but all is well because I know Jesus Christ interceding on my behalf, too. I harken the invitation of Hebrews 4:16 “let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Though the enemy assails me and torments me with lies; causes my heart to be overwhelmed with panic and dread, physically and mentally, I know my God is stronger than he who is in the world. He promises comfort to me. He is a refuge from all my troubles. He knows the earthly struggle his believers endure and he takes pity on them. He knows the anxiety that plague this mother’s heart and he invites me to cast my anxieties unto him because he cares for me.
He says in his word that he gently leads those with young. Like a shepherd who gathers his lambs in his bosom, so shall he also carry me and my child and my family. The Lord is good. I live upon his tender mercies day by day. And his mercies sees me through day by day.
Nicolo,
I count the days until I have you in my arms again. I will not be afraid because the Lord will be faithful. All the pain and sacrifice I have endured for this will to him not be for naught because he will accomplish what he wants to be done by this. Even the faulty decisions of man could not limit nor alter God’s grand design. It is not something that he is surprised. He is not surprised when by my first born child’s special gift of Autism. He is not surprised that we are far apart now. He is not surprised by our strange and unconventional family situation. He understands our motives. He is merciful to our ways. The Lord will portion to us what he wills and he will enable us to bear that portion by his grace.
Lord, I am indeed suffering. But all suffering is not for nothing if it comes from your all-powerful and loving hand.
