Today is the first day of Summer Class. We had to take the subject Strategies of Health Education. It was the only afternoon class for today and we were dismissed early due to some reasons too nonsense to make it to this post. And because of that, we were assigned to make a sort of book report about any book we like and reflect it on how it changed us.

I thought this was an interesting assignment, and I cannot wait to start.

But as I thought about which book I should choose, I came to a pause...a very long pause. Harry Potter series? Bob Ong's? Pride and Prejudice? Oh deer. They are great works, sure, but they do not have any impact of my life as what our Clinical Instructor instructed us. I just read them for leisure's sake. The realization that I barely read any literature in my life at all is slowly seeping into me! And the thought of it is just horrifying.

I knew I had to choose one book. But which one will it be? Then I remembered, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. What better opportunity to read it than now? I have no choice but to strain my eyes over a cheap E-book version of it. And so I did.

So here's what my mind came up to (pardon the poor sentence construction/word choice):

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The Perks of Being a Wallflower

by Stephen Chbosky

“So, this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”

 "I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why."

The story revolves on Charlie and his first year in high school. Although he is not the popular type of guy or one of the geeks, he is a wallflower – a person who, because of shyness, unpopularity, or lack of a partner, remains at the side of a party or dance. They are those that observe almost everything and listen to everything you have to say without criticizing or judging. The story is told through a series of letters, the first one dated August 25, 1991 and the last is dated August 23, 1992. Each letter is addressed uniformly all though out – “Dear Friend” , whom Charlie does not know and has never met but looks up to as someone who has integrity thus worthy of being addressed to his letters.

The context of the story gave light on topics that seem, although some are not rampant in our culture setting, a problem that people in their teenage years experience. The rigors of school, of peer pressure, and of establishing a sense of identity. The more I got to know more about his life and everyone that are involved in it as he writes the letters to “Friend”, I could see myself in Charlie’s character. At some point in my life (specifically when I was in first year high school), I see myself as a wallflower because I go by the principle that the more you speak your mind, the more chances people will find errors in you. So basically, I have been passively living my life, not on the dance floor but just a mere spectator.

But then I realized how wrong I was going about that principle, because it did not permitted me to grow and be a better person. I did not made any progress in any aspects of my life. Even though I did not do anything that is “wrong” to the eyes of the people surrounding me, I haven’t done anything that is “right” either! And the thing that surprises me is that their opinions were not the ones keeping me to hide inside myself, my fears of being criticized did. For a short time in my life I have been living in fear. And for what seemed like eternity, I thought I would never make that great realization and get out of my shell. Well I guess that it is an important part of growing up, to get to know yourself more. Most importantly, I learned that it is not enough to be alive, you need to live.