Ninth Month Thoughts

This week marks the 9th month of me carrying baby Nicolo in my tumtum, and with that, how faithfully God has carried us as a family all those months.

My mind drifts back to that time at Ecodorm when our bags are already packed for Bohol and like a last minute decision I told Nico I needed to pee. I went to that small bathroom we had in our little boarding house where Nico and I stayed. I wanted to pee before we make that long trip, I thought. And I thought, hey I still have one pregnancy test kit left, I might as well use it. I have done it a couple of times in the past few weeks, mostly out of curiosity, especially after I received our diagnosis of PCOS. We thought it would come out negative, just like it always has. We were not prepared to see what we saw.

Two red lines. Very clear. 

Nico must have took a video of it, I can't recall exactly. What I do vividly recall is us hugging each other and me shedding a tear from emotions unexplained by words. Ambivalence but primarily fear.

Naturally, I was afraid of what will happen in the future. Nico must be, too. 

December 20, 2020. I will never forget that day because the devotional I had that morning was from Matthew 1:23:

"Behold, the virgin will hold in womb, and will bring forth a son, and they will call His name Immanuel" which is, being translated, "God with us."

It's as if God knew that we will find out today that I am with child, that he knew we will be overwhelmed with fear, and that His Presence will address that fear. "God with us" -  Immanuel.

It is only fitting to give the baby that name - Immanuel - to remind us that no matter what happens, God will be with us.

And he has. During the whole 9 months, he has been with us. Those moments when I had to leave for Florida, the trip going to the US, all the pregnancy woes, the moments when I am overwhelmed at work, and the endeavors my husband has to go through: Jesus has been with us through it all.

I can be assured that in my labor and delivery, God will be with us; in Parenthood, God will be with us, in raising Nicolo, in our marriage, in every moment of our lives, God will be with us. He is Immanuel. Jesus will be with us.

Though I am afraid of what's to come, nothing comforts me from the fact that Jesus is with us. I have His word to remind me. And as if that is not enough, Nicolo Immanuel will remind me.