It was on a Sunday when I found out that my Identification Card, or more shortly called as ID, was not on it's green ID card holder with a sling provided by my school. My initial reaction was shock, of course. I knew how tedious it is when a school property, such as a library card or an ID, would be lost. You'd have to file an affidavit of loss to an attorney, you'd have to provide a new picture, and the list just goes on and on. I know these stuff because I've experienced accompanying my friends to go through this "legalization" stage of declaring a loss. And in most cases, it isn't just the ID that was lost on the process, along with those would be your time (for studying, perhaps) or a considerable sum of money (for booksales, perhaps).
Anyhow, the difference this time was that, it was my ID that was missing. Most people who know me would probably say I am a sentimental person. And that includes being sentimental to, well, material things. On the back portion of our school ID, it had these series of boxes that corresponds to the Semester and School Year. Every semestral enrollment, we would let the librarians sign the respective box. That would indicate you've been officially enrolled in that semester. I recalled how I made those simple boxes as motivations to really pursue it till the last box. And with every box that got signed in red ink, so does my sentimental value to that ID card - especially now that I am down to my one last box.
But again, on that very morning of a Sunday, it was like I lost a precious thing to me. I thought I was cursed - with losing ID cards, that is. I lost my ID card back when I was at my last year in high school...the same incident that happened! Tell me I'm not cursed.
But that is not the reason why I composed an entry about my lost ID. This isn't a talk-about-the-weather type of entry.
Going back to that frozen scene of finding out I lost my ID, I then forced myself to recollect and retrace the latest bit of memory I had with it. Was it on the internet shop? Did I left it in my bag? I rummaged but found nothing. I asked the internet shop clerk, they found nothing of sorts. Where could I have left it? I was at wit's end. I was losing hope. I was frustrated with how my memory served me with these stained-glass thoughts. I asked God where I could have put it. I asked Him as if a toddler asking her mother to give her that doll on the toystore...fervently and like losing all hope. I even wanted to curl into a ball, assume a fetal position and just, degenerate.
I prayed to God. I asked Him to help me remember and find my ID. I asked my apologies to Him how I would pridefully show the back portion of my ID so that anyone could see that I have only one unsigned box left. I didn't know losing that school property would offer me so much realization.
I told Him, "Lord, if this is Your will, and that You are telling me something through this situation, please help me understand what it is.". I told Him that.
God really never fails to amaze me. Sometimes, His answers take time, and by time I mean a long time (for the human mind trapped in the space-time continuum). But it could also come in a split second, like when you turn your eyes to the bulletin board of your Student's Affairs Office after you've been denied by your librarians saying they haven't found a card with my face and name on it.
There was it. My name. Under the Found Items section. How silly of me not considering about the Lost and Found Section. But sometimes, silly is all you can be after you've realized how you've become so focused on the problem and overlooking what God is already saying to you.
Another realization will be applied in a romantic way. I already notice eyeballs rolling. Nevertheless, the understanding came up to me. Maybe, my significant other is like my lost ID. I kept on looking for him on all the wrong places, as I did looking for my ID on the internet cafe, and library, and my bag. And because with every search comes futile results, I would resort to doing 'silly' things, and thinking about 'silly' thoughts (Reference note: the 'curling-into-a-ball-and-just-degenerate' part).
But alas, amidst all these things, it is really important to still consult God's guidance. Because He is always telling us something. Asking for His guidance and will isn't the last step, in fact, it is only the beginning. Most people, including myself, miss the second step. And that is to TRUST that He is really guiding us to the right path. It entails us to put our faith on Him that we would soon find what it is that we are missing - just as I have found my missing ID.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, August 19, 2013
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Don't Fall in Love with People Like Me
“Do not fall in love
With people like me.
people like me
will love you so hard
that you turn into stone
into a statue where people
come to marvel at how long
it must have taken to carve
that faraway look into your eyes
Do not fall in love
With people like me;
we will take you to
museums and parks
and monuments
and kiss you in every beautiful
place so that you can
never go back to them
without tasting us
like blood in your mouth
Do not come any closer.
people like me
are bombs
when our time is up
we will splatter loss
all over your walls
in angry colors
that make you wish
your doorway never
learned our name
Do not fall in love
With people like me.
with the lonely ones
we will forget our own names
if it means learning yours
we will make you think
hurricanes are gentle
that pain is a gift
you will get lost
in the desperation
in the longing for something
that is always reaching
but never able to hold
Do not fall in love
with people like me.
We will destroy your
apartment
we will throw apologies at you
that shatter on the floor
and cut your feet
We will never learn
how to be soft
We will leave.
We always do.”
— Do Not Fall in Love With People Like Me
With people like me.
people like me
will love you so hard
that you turn into stone
into a statue where people
come to marvel at how long
it must have taken to carve
that faraway look into your eyes
Do not fall in love
With people like me;
we will take you to
museums and parks
and monuments
and kiss you in every beautiful
place so that you can
never go back to them
without tasting us
like blood in your mouth
Do not come any closer.
people like me
are bombs
when our time is up
we will splatter loss
all over your walls
in angry colors
that make you wish
your doorway never
learned our name
Do not fall in love
With people like me.
with the lonely ones
we will forget our own names
if it means learning yours
we will make you think
hurricanes are gentle
that pain is a gift
you will get lost
in the desperation
in the longing for something
that is always reaching
but never able to hold
Do not fall in love
with people like me.
We will destroy your
apartment
we will throw apologies at you
that shatter on the floor
and cut your feet
We will never learn
how to be soft
We will leave.
We always do.”
— Do Not Fall in Love With People Like Me
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Hiling by Silent Sanctuary
Minsan di ko maiwasang isipin ka
Lalo na sa t'wing nag iisa
Ano na kayang balita sayo
Naiisip mo rin kaya ako?
Simula nang ikaw ay mawala
Wala nang dahilan para lumuha
Damdamin pilit ko nang tinatago
Hinahanap ka parin ng aking puso
Parang kulang nga kapag ika'y wala
At hihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Hihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin...
Patungo...
Ala-ala mong tinangay na ng hangin
Sa langit ko na lamang ba yayakapin
Nasan ka na kaya, aasa ba sa wala?
At hihiling sa mga bituin...
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin...
Hihiling kahit dumilim...
Ang aking daan na tatahakin...
Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo...
Ipipikit ko ang aking mata dahil...
Nais ka lamang mahagkan...
Nais ka lamang masilalayan...
Kahit alam kong tapos na
Kahit alam kong wala ka na...
At Hihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Hihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Come What "May"
May 2012 has officially ended two days ago but it took me that long to sort out whether or not I should write a blog post about it.
As you have noticed (or not), my internet activity has significantly increased in this month more than any other months of the year. This could be justified by an increment in the number of blog entries, tweets, status updates, videos watched and favorited, and reblogs. I need not name the websites associated with the terms I used, do I? Also to add more of that "increase in activity", I have been able to avail those unlimited calls and texts offers my cellular network provides me. Though they cost a little too much for my daily summer allowance, there is a reason why, for the first time in the whole history of me having a cellphone, I've purchased Unlicall + text 25.
I didn't quite expect my month to turn out this way though; I thought it was just another Summer month. But it wasn't. And I'll tell you why.
Well it all started on the first day, May 1. I don't really think I should delve deeper as to what happened this day, but to just give you all nosy people a hint, I welcomed someone in my life. And that's when things started to go topsy-turvy -- too much for a month to handle.
Just a reference, I had summer classes from mid-April to mid-May. The last two weeks of it were all centered on that someone I've met. Well, this isn't a private blog and I think it'd be inappropriate to spill the details but we communicated in all forms of communication, apart from the most convenient one, talking face to face. I guess you get the sitch. (Insert Call Me Maybe tune here).
Long story short, I thought what we had was real (eww gross!) and I imagined all the possibilities that we could have been but it turns out he was a total jerk and I was better off without him. I realized a lot of things, but some in a painful way.
I have come to the conclusion that you should not settle for anything less than what you deserve. If you think you deserve to be respected, then don't settle for someone who doesn't give you that.
To quote my favorite movie, (500) Days of Summer, "the best way to get over a guy is to turn him into literature". Considering the fact that what we had was just a meager summer fling, I would just turn him into a blog entry. El oh el.
Meanwhile, on the other side of my life, my immune system has been battling recurrent otitis media brought about by sore throat and colds. I get bouts of fever every once in a while but they're not that high. Being a nursing student can be hard sometimes; you can get paranoid on almost anything that's going wrong in your systems. There was one night when my ears ached so hard my head ached too (I couldn't tell which is worse), I was thinking that my 8th cranial nerve was already infected by the bacteria, then I was starting to feel dizzy and I was too scared to sleep and so I just cried and cried until my nose went all congested I had to change position..next thing I knew it was already morning. Kuh-razy!
I decided to put Come What "May" as a title because it ends the month on a positive note. Deep inside, way past the bitterness of my heart and saltiness of my phlegm (ew!), I am optimistic that things will turn out for the better.
As you have noticed (or not), my internet activity has significantly increased in this month more than any other months of the year. This could be justified by an increment in the number of blog entries, tweets, status updates, videos watched and favorited, and reblogs. I need not name the websites associated with the terms I used, do I? Also to add more of that "increase in activity", I have been able to avail those unlimited calls and texts offers my cellular network provides me. Though they cost a little too much for my daily summer allowance, there is a reason why, for the first time in the whole history of me having a cellphone, I've purchased Unlicall + text 25.
I didn't quite expect my month to turn out this way though; I thought it was just another Summer month. But it wasn't. And I'll tell you why.
Well it all started on the first day, May 1. I don't really think I should delve deeper as to what happened this day, but to just give you all nosy people a hint, I welcomed someone in my life. And that's when things started to go topsy-turvy -- too much for a month to handle.
Just a reference, I had summer classes from mid-April to mid-May. The last two weeks of it were all centered on that someone I've met. Well, this isn't a private blog and I think it'd be inappropriate to spill the details but we communicated in all forms of communication, apart from the most convenient one, talking face to face. I guess you get the sitch. (Insert Call Me Maybe tune here).
Long story short, I thought what we had was real (eww gross!) and I imagined all the possibilities that we could have been but it turns out he was a total jerk and I was better off without him. I realized a lot of things, but some in a painful way.
I have come to the conclusion that you should not settle for anything less than what you deserve. If you think you deserve to be respected, then don't settle for someone who doesn't give you that.
To quote my favorite movie, (500) Days of Summer, "the best way to get over a guy is to turn him into literature". Considering the fact that what we had was just a meager summer fling, I would just turn him into a blog entry. El oh el.
Meanwhile, on the other side of my life, my immune system has been battling recurrent otitis media brought about by sore throat and colds. I get bouts of fever every once in a while but they're not that high. Being a nursing student can be hard sometimes; you can get paranoid on almost anything that's going wrong in your systems. There was one night when my ears ached so hard my head ached too (I couldn't tell which is worse), I was thinking that my 8th cranial nerve was already infected by the bacteria, then I was starting to feel dizzy and I was too scared to sleep and so I just cried and cried until my nose went all congested I had to change position..next thing I knew it was already morning. Kuh-razy!
I decided to put Come What "May" as a title because it ends the month on a positive note. Deep inside, way past the bitterness of my heart and saltiness of my phlegm (ew!), I am optimistic that things will turn out for the better.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Like She Had Been All Her Life
She's been listening to the rock songs again,
Like she had been all her life.
Every beat the drums made
Every string the guitars strummed
Every loud chorus she had heard
Solace, sweet solace, was what she found.
She drowned herself
on the depths of her thoughts
on the musical notes
made perceivable by the senses
through a piece of technology
that comes with a plug in the ears
probably, to make sure no sound from the outside world
would come seeping.
And hurt her again.
The good part about rock music
was that it was noise
but it made justice to how people
would define noise
as if it is an unwelcome visitor.
The noise was comforting
because it made more sense;
it made more sense than all those words
spoken and sang by lovers
confounded by the promises of love
as if it is this enchanted feeling
when it is the complete opposite.
She felt numb, devoid of any feeling.
And that was all she needed.
The numbness, the noise,
the bitterness of a truth.
The truth that she was alone.
Like she had been all her life.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
We Look For Love
Not because it sucks to watch movies alone, it's sad to eat meals on your own, or because it's nice to cuddle up with someone on rainy days.
We look for love because we want to be accepted: For the sloppy way we dress, for the clumsy way we eat, for those bad hair days, and for the simplicity in us.
Because love is an act of acceptance that despite of our imperfections, we are still loved.
We look for love because we want to be accepted: For the sloppy way we dress, for the clumsy way we eat, for those bad hair days, and for the simplicity in us.
Because love is an act of acceptance that despite of our imperfections, we are still loved.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
On Favorite Songs and Whatnot
Part I: On Favorite Songs
Being the music-obsessed that I am, I don't really have a favorite song. For me, asking about what your favorite song is is like making a mother choose between her children - hard and it's just not morally right! L0L.
Instead I prefer it to be asked like this: If all the songs on my playlist were deleted, and only one song will be spared, then it's this song:
It Might Be You
by Stephen Bishop
Being the music-obsessed that I am, I don't really have a favorite song. For me, asking about what your favorite song is is like making a mother choose between her children - hard and it's just not morally right! L0L.
Instead I prefer it to be asked like this: If all the songs on my playlist were deleted, and only one song will be spared, then it's this song:
It Might Be You
by Stephen Bishop
Time, I've been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life
Lying on the sand watching seabirds fly
Wishing there could be someone
Waiting home for me
All of my life
Lying on the sand watching seabirds fly
Wishing there could be someone
Waiting home for me
Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
All of my life
It's telling me it might be you
All of my life
Looking back as lovers go walking past
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place would I recognize the face
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place would I recognize the face
Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake and there's so much love to make
It's telling me it might be you
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake and there's so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life
Maybe all we need is time
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life
I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you and
I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you and
I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life
It's you, it's you I've been waiting for all of my life
Maybe it's you, Maybe it's you I've been waiting for all of my life.
Maybe it's you, Maybe it's you I've been waiting for all of my life.
The green colored texts are some of my favorite lines in this song. This song somewhat describes the state of my love life status at the moment. No, this song is not dedicated to anyone, yet. I haven't found anyone who's worthy to hear me say, "Maybe it's you I've been waiting for all of my life". And with how things are around this time of my life, I am pretty sure it will be a long time before I could finally say those words.
And because of that, I'd like to elaborate more on this line:
And because of that, I'd like to elaborate more on this line:
"I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before"
I feel like I have a lot to share to someone -- lullabies, quotes, stories, plans, lyics, songs, etc. And I just keep it inside me, waiting for the one who is deserving to hear them all. I have been saving all these things for him, whenever he comes. And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before"
Part II: Whatnot
My dad introduced me to this song when I was little, along with other 80's classics that he used to play on our vcd-player every morning on school days when I prepare for school during my elementary years. And when I arrive home, every once in a while there would be karaoke at our neighborhood and my dad would be singing all good songs from the generation where music was genuine and good (60's, 70's, to early 90's). And I kinda grew up in that environment.
My dad introduced me to this song when I was little, along with other 80's classics that he used to play on our vcd-player every morning on school days when I prepare for school during my elementary years. And when I arrive home, every once in a while there would be karaoke at our neighborhood and my dad would be singing all good songs from the generation where music was genuine and good (60's, 70's, to early 90's). And I kinda grew up in that environment.
I love listening to music. And that is not just your typical cliche term some people use. I really love listening to music! I could be walking down the grocery aisle and a random song with good tune comes up, I'd quickly get my cellphone to type in parts of the lyrics of that unknown good song and search it up on the internet. I'm the type that loves good music and treasures it. I can't sleep without my earphones on. Well, I could sleep but it's just not the same if I listen to music. My ears are sensitive to music. I think it's a compromise because I wasn't blessed with good singing voice nor any talent in playing an instrument, considering the fact that I grew up with musically-inclined people.
I am not the instrument player, not the singer, nor the dancer. I am the listener. I listen, I remember the melody, I feel them inside and let them take me elsewhere just like how books take me to places I might never be at in real life. I'm a spectator, a wallflower, a listener. I listen to what the melody in the music tells me, and I listen to the words I hear in my mind as I read what the author is trying to tell me. And I understand.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
The title is not as nonsensical and naive as the entry itself
"I'm better off without anybody."
But the painful truth is that none of the above statement is true.
You want the truth? Here's the truth:
I'm dying to feel something that makes me feel alive, in a romantic sense, that is.
I want to be found.
I want that feeling that you belong to someone, and that someone belongs to you.
That feeling when someone will look for your face in a sea of people, and smile at it when you're in sight.
I want to be the recipient of love letters/notes written on fancy scented papers/post-its.
I want to experience the feeling of receiving a single flower picked from their Mum's garden, instead of a pricey bouquet from commercialized flower shops. (But I don't really care whichever, L0L)
Most especially, I want to hear mixtapes of songs that remind me of Us, complete with hand-drawn scribbles/doodles on the cover.
I want someone to dedicate a love song or a quote from a book, just because they want to share the happiness they get whenever they come across those things.
I want someone to hold my hand.
I want the security that someone out there love you, whether you know him already and just not have realized it, or your paths will soon cross someday.
^
The above is just an example of how to sophisticate, sugarcoat, and euphemize the statement: "I want a boyfriend".
But the painful truth is that none of the above statement is true.
You want the truth? Here's the truth:
I'm dying to feel something that makes me feel alive, in a romantic sense, that is.
I want to be found.
I want that feeling that you belong to someone, and that someone belongs to you.
That feeling when someone will look for your face in a sea of people, and smile at it when you're in sight.
I want to be the recipient of love letters/notes written on fancy scented papers/post-its.
I want to experience the feeling of receiving a single flower picked from their Mum's garden, instead of a pricey bouquet from commercialized flower shops. (But I don't really care whichever, L0L)
Most especially, I want to hear mixtapes of songs that remind me of Us, complete with hand-drawn scribbles/doodles on the cover.
I want someone to dedicate a love song or a quote from a book, just because they want to share the happiness they get whenever they come across those things.
I want someone to hold my hand.
I want the security that someone out there love you, whether you know him already and just not have realized it, or your paths will soon cross someday.
^
The above is just an example of how to sophisticate, sugarcoat, and euphemize the statement: "I want a boyfriend".
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