ID: Lost and Found

It was on a Sunday when I found out that my Identification Card, or more shortly called as ID, was not on it's green ID card holder with a sling provided by my school. My initial reaction was shock, of course. I knew how tedious it is when a school property, such as a library card or an ID, would be lost. You'd have to  file an affidavit of loss to an attorney, you'd have to provide a new picture, and the list just goes on and on. I know these stuff because I've experienced accompanying my friends to go through this "legalization" stage of declaring a loss. And in most cases, it isn't just the ID that was lost on the process, along with those would be your time (for studying, perhaps) or a considerable sum of money (for booksales, perhaps).

Anyhow, the difference this time was that, it was my ID that was missing. Most people who know me would probably say I am a sentimental person. And that includes being sentimental to, well, material things. On the back portion of our school ID, it had these series of boxes that corresponds to the Semester and School Year. Every semestral enrollment, we would let the librarians sign the respective box. That would indicate you've been officially enrolled in that semester. I recalled how I made those simple boxes as motivations to really pursue it till the last box. And with every box that got signed in red ink, so does my sentimental value to that ID card - especially now that I am down to my one last box.

But again, on that very morning of a Sunday, it was like I lost a precious thing to me. I thought I was cursed -  with losing ID cards, that is. I lost my ID card back when I was at my last year in high school...the same incident that happened! Tell me I'm not cursed.

But that is not the reason why I composed an entry about my lost ID. This isn't a talk-about-the-weather type of entry.

Going back to that frozen scene of finding out I lost my ID, I then forced myself to recollect and retrace the latest bit of memory I had with it. Was it on the internet shop? Did I left it in my bag? I rummaged but found nothing. I asked the internet shop clerk, they found nothing of sorts. Where could I have left it? I was at wit's end. I was losing hope. I was frustrated with how my memory served me with these stained-glass thoughts. I asked God where I could have put it. I asked Him as if a toddler asking her mother to give her that doll on the toystore...fervently and like losing all hope. I even wanted to curl into a ball, assume a fetal position and just, degenerate.

I prayed to God. I asked Him to help me remember and find my ID. I asked my apologies to Him how I would pridefully show the back portion of my ID so that anyone could see that I have only one unsigned box left. I didn't know losing that school property would offer me so much realization.

I told Him, "Lord, if this is Your will, and that You are telling me something through this situation, please help me understand what it is.". I told Him that.

God really never fails to amaze me. Sometimes, His answers take time, and by time I mean a long time (for the human mind trapped in the space-time continuum). But it could also come in a split second, like when you turn your eyes to the bulletin board of your Student's Affairs Office after you've been denied by your librarians saying they haven't found a card with my face and name on it.

There was it. My name. Under the Found Items section. How silly of me not considering about the Lost and Found Section. But sometimes, silly is all you can be after you've realized how you've become so focused on the problem and overlooking what God is already saying to you.

Another realization will be applied in a romantic way. I already notice eyeballs rolling. Nevertheless, the understanding came up to me. Maybe, my significant other is like my lost ID. I kept on looking for him on all the wrong places, as I did looking for my ID on the internet cafe, and library, and my bag. And because with every search comes futile results, I would resort to doing 'silly' things, and thinking about 'silly' thoughts (Reference note: the 'curling-into-a-ball-and-just-degenerate' part).

But alas, amidst all these things, it is really important to still consult God's guidance. Because He is always telling us something. Asking for His guidance and will isn't the last step, in fact, it is only the beginning. Most people, including myself, miss the second step. And that is to TRUST that He is really guiding us to the right path. It entails us to put our faith on Him that we would soon find what it is that we are missing - just as I have found my missing ID.

Who's A Sourgrape?

"Sometimes you make the right decision. Sometimes you make the decision right."

-Phillip C. McGraw 

Sadly, there are no U-turns in life, no backspace, no undo, no CTRL + Z. It's up to us how we can make the most out of our decisions, no matter how regretfully bad they are.


Everything happens for a reason.


The regret that I carried on for 2 years now has been again bothering me. But then, this time I know better. I think all I need is to really double my time with stuff worth double-timing. Equip myself with the appropriate motivation and inspiration, quotes, books, and of course, prayers.

This will be a tough semester, well next to second semester of 3rd year, of course (but it's too early to worry about that for now).

I hope the things that I learned in the orientation will really sink in and be incorporated in my thoughts. First week and it's been a stress already! Lord, please guide me always.

Today is the first day of Summer Class. We had to take the subject Strategies of Health Education. It was the only afternoon class for today and we were dismissed early due to some reasons too nonsense to make it to this post. And because of that, we were assigned to make a sort of book report about any book we like and reflect it on how it changed us.

I thought this was an interesting assignment, and I cannot wait to start.

But as I thought about which book I should choose, I came to a pause...a very long pause. Harry Potter series? Bob Ong's? Pride and Prejudice? Oh deer. They are great works, sure, but they do not have any impact of my life as what our Clinical Instructor instructed us. I just read them for leisure's sake. The realization that I barely read any literature in my life at all is slowly seeping into me! And the thought of it is just horrifying.

I knew I had to choose one book. But which one will it be? Then I remembered, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. What better opportunity to read it than now? I have no choice but to strain my eyes over a cheap E-book version of it. And so I did.

So here's what my mind came up to (pardon the poor sentence construction/word choice):

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The Perks of Being a Wallflower

by Stephen Chbosky

“So, this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”

 "I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why."

The story revolves on Charlie and his first year in high school. Although he is not the popular type of guy or one of the geeks, he is a wallflower – a person who, because of shyness, unpopularity, or lack of a partner, remains at the side of a party or dance. They are those that observe almost everything and listen to everything you have to say without criticizing or judging. The story is told through a series of letters, the first one dated August 25, 1991 and the last is dated August 23, 1992. Each letter is addressed uniformly all though out – “Dear Friend” , whom Charlie does not know and has never met but looks up to as someone who has integrity thus worthy of being addressed to his letters.

The context of the story gave light on topics that seem, although some are not rampant in our culture setting, a problem that people in their teenage years experience. The rigors of school, of peer pressure, and of establishing a sense of identity. The more I got to know more about his life and everyone that are involved in it as he writes the letters to “Friend”, I could see myself in Charlie’s character. At some point in my life (specifically when I was in first year high school), I see myself as a wallflower because I go by the principle that the more you speak your mind, the more chances people will find errors in you. So basically, I have been passively living my life, not on the dance floor but just a mere spectator.

But then I realized how wrong I was going about that principle, because it did not permitted me to grow and be a better person. I did not made any progress in any aspects of my life. Even though I did not do anything that is “wrong” to the eyes of the people surrounding me, I haven’t done anything that is “right” either! And the thing that surprises me is that their opinions were not the ones keeping me to hide inside myself, my fears of being criticized did. For a short time in my life I have been living in fear. And for what seemed like eternity, I thought I would never make that great realization and get out of my shell. Well I guess that it is an important part of growing up, to get to know yourself more. Most importantly, I learned that it is not enough to be alive, you need to live. 

Study Buddies

Since school will start in just a week, I decided to pay a tribute post to my "study buddies". These are my humble highlighters, G-tech writing pens, colored pens, and 50 lvs Green Apple notebooks (yes, I am very particular with the brand..hehehe).

These are my almost-rainbow-colored highlighters. I simply CANNOT imagine studying without them! I've tried the apple green and violet ones and I ran out of them already. I bought the Teal colored one just recently, to replace the 2. Each of them costs Php 29.50 at National Bookstore so I can only buy 1 at a time.

When it comes to notebooks, I only trust one brand, Green Apple®. (char!) Hahaha. Seriously. I have tried writing on other brands like Blue Feather, Cattleya, Sterling, Stradmore, and whatnot, but I only liked Green Apple. Compared to the other brands, it's cheap but the quality is certainly not! (wow advertisement much?).

Last but not the least is my Pilot G-tech 0.4 Black pen (I purposely put a piece of wallpaper designs inside the barrel). Considering the fact that I'm the type of person that once I get comfortable using a thing, I stick with it until I find something better.Ever since I went to college, I have been using Pilot G-tech pens. It does not blot, it writes very fine, so it's perfect for people whose penmanships are REALLY miniscule to be read (roughly half of a centimeter). Also, I put a lot of pressure on the paper when I write, and still it doesn't affect the pen or your penmanship whatsoever. The only downside is that you need to take extra measures not to drop it or else you'll be sorry for your Php69.25. The refill costs about 40 pesos and it can last for about a semester worth of writing.

 

So there you have it, folks! My study buddies. :D