Nicolo Immanuel's First Month

 From an anxious new mom

Our son celebrated his one month two days ago. It has been a month of sleepless nights and sleepy days, of patience being tested, emotions all over the place from postpartum blues, and how a single smile from my little one can alleviate all those bad moments of parenthood. The first month of motherhood has radically transformed the three of us. My husband learned to increase his patience, I learned to not be as selfish as I am, all of that as our little Nicolo is also bombarded with learnings in this new environment outside the womb. In all of that, I learned just how inadequate we are as parents, but God couldn't have mistaken to entrust us to be Nicolo's parents. He simply can't be wrong. This is all part of his great and unfathomable wisdom.

To quote and paraphrase a devotional I read:

The LORD keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.  (Psalm 121:8)

Ninth Month Thoughts

This week marks the 9th month of me carrying baby Nicolo in my tumtum, and with that, how faithfully God has carried us as a family all those months.

My mind drifts back to that time at Ecodorm when our bags are already packed for Bohol and like a last minute decision I told Nico I needed to pee. I went to that small bathroom we had in our little boarding house where Nico and I stayed. I wanted to pee before we make that long trip, I thought. And I thought, hey I still have one pregnancy test kit left, I might as well use it. I have done it a couple of times in the past few weeks, mostly out of curiosity, especially after I received our diagnosis of PCOS. We thought it would come out negative, just like it always has. We were not prepared to see what we saw.

Two red lines. Very clear. 

Nico must have took a video of it, I can't recall exactly. What I do vividly recall is us hugging each other and me shedding a tear from emotions unexplained by words. Ambivalence but primarily fear.

Naturally, I was afraid of what will happen in the future. Nico must be, too. 

December 20, 2020. I will never forget that day because the devotional I had that morning was from Matthew 1:23:

"Behold, the virgin will hold in womb, and will bring forth a son, and they will call His name Immanuel" which is, being translated, "God with us."

It's as if God knew that we will find out today that I am with child, that he knew we will be overwhelmed with fear, and that His Presence will address that fear. "God with us" -  Immanuel.

It is only fitting to give the baby that name - Immanuel - to remind us that no matter what happens, God will be with us.

And he has. During the whole 9 months, he has been with us. Those moments when I had to leave for Florida, the trip going to the US, all the pregnancy woes, the moments when I am overwhelmed at work, and the endeavors my husband has to go through: Jesus has been with us through it all.

I can be assured that in my labor and delivery, God will be with us; in Parenthood, God will be with us, in raising Nicolo, in our marriage, in every moment of our lives, God will be with us. He is Immanuel. Jesus will be with us.

Though I am afraid of what's to come, nothing comforts me from the fact that Jesus is with us. I have His word to remind me. And as if that is not enough, Nicolo Immanuel will remind me. 

Comfort in the God who Knows

The text that I am now reading in my devotionals in the New Testament is from John 5, the story about the invalid man who spent many years by the pool but was later on healed by Jesus . Beginning on the first verses the story goes:

"Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by fie covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie - the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, 'Do you want to get well?'" (John 5:1-6)

I will stop there for now. As I was meditating upon this story, and I've heard this story many times, I got curious what that whole concept of 'healing pool' meant. Some versions of the text said something about an angel would come and stir up the water and the first one to get into the pool would be the one who will be healed.

Making a mental picture of the scene, two things come to my mind: 1. Was this "angel" who stirred the pool for healing one from by God? 2. How pitiful this disabled man's situation is, all those 38 years, waiting beside the pool for healing, and yet still nothing. I could picture the pool as very dirty, from the fact that it is a public pool and is filled with the sick. I could only imagine what this man had to go through everyday for all those years, waiting for a miracle.

When I tried to search for answers to my first question in the hopes that I could glean more from the story than my personal study, I came across an article from desiringGod.com about it.

Pastor John Piper from his sermon in 2009 said, "Jesus knows you perfectly, inside and out, all you have ever felt or thought or done." He adds the scripture verse from Psalm 139:2-4, "You discern my thoughts from afar... Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, you know it altogether."

I had to pause for a moment to let that sink in.

Just a few verses in could do so much to me in reminding me of who God is. I never thought that even just one of His attribute -- being omniscient, all-knowing brings such great comfort to me. Wow. God knows! He. Knows. The Creator of the whole universe, the most Holy God, the Almighty One. God himself. God. Knows. He knows of every struggle I'm in, be it with sin and temptation, God knows every longing I have, God knows every desire I have, God knows the pain I feel, He knows everything. If I just stop right there and savor that truth, try to wrap my mind around it, to fathom what it all means, and in the end bank on it, and with all my heart believe it, what great Comfort it surely brings to me.

Whenever the feeling of sadness looms over me, one of the things that bring me comfort and relief is when I tell someone about it. Usually a friend, someone I trust deeply to give me scriptural advice and pray for me. I don;t know but there is something distinctly comforting in being able to tell another soul what you are going through even if their understanding is limited, and that they could not fully understand your situation. The fact that someone listens and nods and is there for you makes you feel you're not alone. It lessens the burden you're in.

How much more with God, right? BUT best of all, it doesn't just stop with him knowing everything. He's not only the all-knowing, powerfully omniscient, "my-thoughts-are-not-your-thoughts-my-ways-are-not-your-ways" God, he's also the God whose thoughts are higher than your thoughts, whose ways are higher than your ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), and as if that is not enough, he goes on further to say: he CARES for you. Jesus gives us this invitation to cast all our anxieties on him because he cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). To a weary soul carrying a heavy heart this can only be like an oasis in a vast desert, a cool drink to a travelling pilgrim under sun-parched lands.

Psalm 9:10 says "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." It is vital that a Christian grow in the knowledge of who God is to better respond to him (and to situations) rightly. The more we understand about God, the better equipped we are in dealing with the lies the enemy throws at us. This is best done by regularly being in His Word.

I cannot overemphasize the importance of God's word in a my life. The Psalmist said it is a lamp upon thy feet and a light unto thy path. If God's word is pictured to be a light for the path, and Christians are expected to be the light of the world, then we as people who know God through Christ (and the only way to know God is through Jesus Christ - John 14), should be more zealous in sharing the light of Christ to those who are lost in the darkness that is in the world.

Going back to that story, we learn that in the last verses, Jesus not only healed that man for him to be relieved of his physical illness, but he commanded him to "Stop sinning, or something worse may happen to you."

In the end, God is not only after our physical healing as he is to our spiritual healing. HE came to heal the world of the greatest illness we have, which is sin. Sin has infected everyone of us that apart from Christ, we will limp our way towards hell. There is more healing in Christ’s blood for Sin than what the pools of Bethesda claims to offer. Sadly, this truth is watered down today. The reality that most people, even some preachers, are too afraid to talk about. Sugarcoating the gospel (the good news of Christ's salvation), thereby making little of what Jesus had done on the cross by paying for our sin and reconciling us back to God, they are bringing more souls to destruction with their sweet talk that hell is not real (and that we can be cleansed by other means apart from the blood of Christ, such as purgatory, alms, indulgences, certain rituals, etc) and heaven can be achieved here on earth. God knows us and cares for us. He is patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. There is so much problem in this world but it all boils down to the source of it all: Sin. God's word said: No one is righteous, no not one. We cannot save ourselves from our sin. Only Jesus can. And by dying on the cross in our place, our sins are imputed upon him and he nailed it to the Cross once and for all. That those who believe in him will not perish but have everlasting life. He lived a perfect life so his righteousness could be ours before the Holy Father.

Unless God gives us a new heart of flesh to replace our hearts of stone we cannot accept this message. So I'm praying now to everyone who gets to read this, We cannot be after the healing and reject the Healer if we are to be genuine towards him. God cannot be mocked. He gave us his only begotten Son, place your faith in him. He will give you a regenerate heart as He will sustain you to walk in holiness everyday becoming more like him, first, by doing what he commanded the healed man to do in John 5:14.

Christ in the Old Testament

After going through months of gloom and despondency, the Lord has graciously lifted my spirits up with news regarding my application to the United States. More than that, he has answered prayers in regards to my devotionals on the Old Testament (OT).

I am now in the last book of the Pentateuch, Deuteronomy. From Genesis up to here, I can only thank God on how he opened my eyes to give me a glimpse and better understanding of his character. Psalm 9:10 says that those who know God's name will trust in him, for he has never forsaken those who seek him. It is indeed fundamental and vital for a Christian's to walk in maturity to know who God is. The more we know about God, the more we gain insight into our total depravity as sinful and undeserving men, in contrast to a holy and merciful God.

When the Lord impressed upon me to do another cover to cover read on Old and New Testament (NT), I recall praying that he let me see Christ in each word, each verse, each story starting from Adam to Moses (as I am currently in Deuteronomy). To live and breathe and feed in the Scriptures was what I was after in starting this journey to read the bible from cover to cover again. It will do me no harm, and nothing is worth more my time and effort than to spend it re-reading God's Word over and over again till he calls me home.

True enough he has been gracious in answering that prayer to see Christ clearly. I can see Christ in parallel to the events that have been written in the Old Testament. Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his only son, Isaac mirrors that of God the Son and God the Father. The Israelites's rebellion and stubbornness after the LORD has mightily delivered them from the bondage of Egypt towards the Promised Land speaks of our hearts towards God today. The circumcision of flesh that was decreed in the OT in parallel to the circumcision of the heart in the NT. The whole OT is indeed a preparation, a sort of reflection, of God's overall redemptive plan to save his elect through Jesus Christ.
Salvation from God's wrath and justice is all by grace (meaning, you cannot work for it lest ye boast before God of your merits to attain such a great thing), through faith (that whosoever 'believes' = have faith in him, will not perish but have everlasting life) in Christ Jesus.

What greater thing God has given us than in giving us His only Son as a perfect atonement for our sins? Left alone to ourselves sinning our way to hell, and he would not be loving. But then again, simply forgiving us who are trespassers of his holiness without any sacrifice or payment of fines would make him an unjust God.

And I tell you, you will want that God be a Just God. Why?

Imagine if your loved one was brutally murdered. Naturally, you file a case against the murderer and that murderer is now on trial on the court for his crime. In the court room, Although the murderer is surely guilty of the crime, he now tries to plead his case to the judge and say, "Oh judge, forgive me for my crime. I know killing another person is wrong but please forgive me for I will not do it again!". Then the judge acquits the criminal because of this plea. Now, what would you think of that judge? You would say he is corrupt, he is unjust, you would plead that he be removed from office! You would cry out Justice must be served!

We have sinned against God and his laws in a similar way that we have murdered another being. All sin against him is a trespass against his holiness, against his perfect morality. We are, in the sense, that murderer standing before the judge on the trial court. Someone must pay the price of the committed crime. And indeed Someone had! Jesus Christ on the cross! He paid the high and lofty price we could only spend eternity in hell paying for if we try to pay it our selves.

There is a popular saying that goes around these days and it says: God will make a way.

I say, oh Yes! He did make a Way.

God made a Way, in fact, the Only Way (John 14) for us to be reconciled to him...and it is through His Son, Jesus Christ.

When Jesus died on the cross He bore our sin for us and nailed it to the cross. So that God the Father, who is thrice holy, almighty, all powerful, all encompassing, can administer his Justice against sin (because we have sinned against him) and he poured out every ounce of Justice and wrath against sin IN CHRIST when He died on the cross. It is paid in full! God is Love, and God is Just, and God is Holy. These are all satisfied in the Cross.

Now, like the Roman jailer who was guarding the Apostle Paul and Silas in prison trembled and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?"

Their reply was "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved - you and your household."

Without Christ's perfect sacrifice on the cross, all that's left for us would be a fearful Judgment of a Just God in the end.

Praise be to God for Jesus Christ.

Romans 15:4 says,  

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."

Surely, our hope is found and cannot be undermined when we remember what Christ has saved us From, and what Christ has saved us For.

Mountain Highs Only? No! But Also In Valley Lows

I cannot deny it. There is nothing I could hide from the Lord. I am still feeling what David must have felt when he talked about being in the slimy pit, the mud and mire, of which God had rescued him from. I am still in that often inexplicable pit of despair and despondency.

Despite of this, the Lord has never failed to aid me with his promises in his Word. He uses countless resources to reach me, such as Desiring God Facebook page, just to remind me of his promises. Coincidentally, I am now in chapter 3 of Numbers in my Old Testament series and it speaks volumes to me.

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil? (...) The LORD their God is with them, the shout of the King is among them. God brought them out of Egypt, they have the strength of a wild ox. There is no sorcery against Jacob, no divination against Israel; It will not be said of Jacob and of Israel, 'See what God has done!'."

(Numbers 3:19-23)

I am composing this entry to tell you, and myself, that God is still God even if you're feeling down and out from this earthly journey. God is still God, he is still sovereign over our every emotion that the enemy could use to lie to us and distort who God really is. In the valleys of our Christian walk, look to him, make his promises your stepping stones, continue to press on to know him most especially in times like this, they are making in us Faith - a thing much even more precious to God than fine Gold. Do not despise these moments. If tears be shed, and muscles be wasted from physical and emotional weakness, rejoice that your soul is well secured by Someone much stronger than you. Hope in him. He is greater than every thing you thought would give you joy. HE makes it by default that HE is our greatest Joy, and that is for our benefit and his glory, because HE will never leave us when all else does. HE will never forsake us when all else does.

When God allows us to be tested in the valley, he will provide us with Strength from the Holy Spirit, the same strength of Christ when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, to drink this bitter cup so we can first handedly say that we have Tasted and Seen that the Lord is Good. Keep pressing on. Humble yourself at his feet. He is faithful.

God is God in the mountain highs AND of the valley lows. He is so transcendent, the earth is his, there is no state of a person washed and redeemed by Christ that is not loved and known by the Father. For "even the darkness will not be dark to you, the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." May these promises in Psalm 139 give us comfort in the valleys of our lives.

 

Jesus Prays For You

It is an awesome privilege to have someone pray for you.  I pray regularly for the readers of this website and for the staff of writers and technical support personnel, and many who contact us here, but if you wanted someone to pray for you, how about Jesus!   That’s the prayer request list I want on!  The fact is that Jesus does pray for those in the Body of Christ, the church.  In John 17 Jesus prayed to God the Father and said, “I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours“(v 9). “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word” (v 20).  “I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them” (v 26). What an awesome thing to have the Son of God praying for you “For Christ did not enter a man-made sanctuary that was only a copy of the true one; he entered heaven itself, now to appear for us in God’s presence” (Heb 9:24).  God intercedes today in God the Father’s presence for us, on our behalf!  How awesome is our God!   If Christ saw fit to pray, and understood God was sovereign over all things and in all ages, why can we not see the importance of it, regardless of the fact that God is sovereign?  How can we not pray for one another?

Read more here.

Proverbs 16:1-3 - Plans (The Village Church Tapescript)

1. Who do your plans belong to? Okay, verse 1. Who do our plans belong to? Let's read it again. "The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord." Okay, so there are two answers to this question. It's not a trick question. There are your plans, and there are his plans. Okay? They are legitimately your plans.

These are plans. This word means preparation. This doesn't mean impulses. This isn't you driving down Forest Lane. You see the Whataburger. Before you know it, you're in front of the drive-thru order, going, "What am I doing here? Can I get a number five with a Dr. Pepper?" We're not talking impulses; we're talking plans. This is preparation. This word would be used in making an altar and bringing the wood around the altar, strategically, meticulously laying it.

It would be used of an army being prepared for battle in their battle array. These are plans. They're thought out. It doesn't get deeper than our hearts. It says this is the plan of your heart. Your heart constitutionally is a very basic identity word. It's what you're determined to have, what you're motivated to have more than anything else. These are your plans.

Then you notice to whom the plans belong. They belong to the Lord. When you see Lord, when you see that word capital L-O-R-D, that's not just a lord. That's Yahweh. That's his personal name. That's the same word that's used in Genesis in the creation story. We're saying here that the God who hung Orion's Belt has intimately claimed a stake in the details of your life. He has very much involved himself into the minutia of your life.

In fact, I would go so far to say he is proud of that. What makes the Hebrew story of creation so distinct is that, unlike every other god, whoever allegedly formed the world, Yahweh Elohim is the God who takes pride in getting his hands dirty and being in the details. He has claimed an intimate stake in the details of your life because your plans, the answer ultimately comes from him.

Honestly, 30-plus years later, I have seen some of my plans fulfilled. I've seen some of them have died. They're not going to happen. I'm still waiting on some. I know that's your story too. You're waiting on your plans. You're living some. You're seeing old ones die. You're seeing new ones form. I think a really good question for us is…

2. What does God see in your plans? What does he see in our plans? Well, I'd say two things. He sees underneath your plans, and then he sees beyond your plans. Let's read verse 2. It says, "All the ways of a man are pure [clear] in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit."

It says we're the most affirmed generation in history. We expect rapid advancement. We're not looking for the job that just pays the bills but an expression of our identity. It's not that we're confident. We're over-confident. We're cocky. However much of this is true (some of it is), this is what I know. Our "millennialness" exacerbates, it emphasizes, the fact that we think we can have what we want to have.

The Bible says God is actually looking underneath our plans. He gives us these desires, and he gives us this kind of creative energy to shape the way we want things to look. Yet he is weighing our spirit. That word spirit means frame of mind. You know, God is thinking about the things we think about. He is weighing our spirits. He is asking these questions. He is saying, "Why do you want that? Why do you need that? Why is that important for you?"

This is a personal conversation. He is a Father. That's what he does. He asks really good, heart-level questions. He is asking the questions underneath the questions. He is thinking about the things we think about. When you think about me, especially if I just kind of offer myself out here, I see giving God my plans is one thing.

Usually that works really well when I'm praying my plans into existence. I have two hands up in the air. I'm like, "God, give me this. Let me see this." I'll tell you. I'm in the danger zone as soon as one hand is down and one hand is up. It's a different story when I'm going, "I have to have this. This has to happen." If I could give you a microcosm of this, it's me in traffic. I keep going back to these traffic analogies, but just bear with me.

We all know. Christians know there are legitimately… God has ordained for us legitimate seasons where we will wait, where we will be confused, where wewill be annoyed. Yet instead of dealing with the traffic, I have to manufacture something into existence. I have to manipulate my circumstances to make something happen.

Guys, y'all are doing this too. Things aren't working out the way you want them to work out, and so you're trying to make things happen. Because what you want your relationship, what your relationship prospects were hopefully going to look like by this age haven't happened yet, you're finding yourself out at bars at stupid times at night with the wrong people.

Or your career plan hasn't happened the way you want it to, so you find yourself just kissing up to your boss. You're just working stupid hours because you want your boss to give you that promotion. Or financially you're not where you want to be, where you thought you'd be 10 years ago, so you're just getting into stupid debt because your plans told you that you should have more. We struggle with this. This is legitimately a struggle in our culture.

Sometimes I think the most encouraging thing we could hear is, first, God is not going to let us know in this and then, secondly, he is actually looking underneath our plans. What do I mean by that? I mean this. If you look into your future and you see that thing you think you need, what you're likely going to do is you're going to identify some shame in your life now.


If you're looking for that relationship into the future that hasn't happened yet, what that will actually do is that will be a signpost backwards to say, "I have shame in my life that the Lord hasn't given me the things I've been asking him to give me." If you want to know what those things are, those things you're looking way out into the future to try to figure out…

I'm sorry. Let me say that differently. You're looking way out into the future to try to figure out what those things are that will bring you some kind of affirmation, that will give some kind of meaning to your life. You're actually identifying idols you need to put to death.

Jimmy Needham is a local guy. I just love this song. I think he gives us a helpful way for us to think about what those things are. He says, "Anything that I put before my God, anything that I want with all my heart, anything that I can't stop thinking about, anything that I give all of my love…" These are the things you're looking way out into the future, and you're going, "God, I have to have this! I told you I wanted this, and you haven't given it to me yet. I'm going to make it happen."

You're manufacturing your plans, and God is not condemning you. He is not judging you. He is taking a scalpel to your heart. He is going, "Look at how unbalanced and unhealthy that is that you need those things now when I, the sovereign God who takes pride in the very details of your life, just haven't given you those things yet."

Some of y'all legitimately have no clue that when the psalms talk about God being your strength and your shield… Everybody wants him to be their strength. Everybody wants him to be the kind of power and strength and confidence they need to step into today, but I don't think we've scratched the surface of understanding what it means that he is our shield.

He is legitimately protecting us from thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of scenarios that would kill us if we stepped into those things. He is way underneath our plans, but he is also way ahead. Because he is God, he has the privilege and the pleasure of looking into the future and being able to read those things into your life now. He knows!

Part of the reason why our plans aren't coming through is he is protecting us. He is shielding us from things he doesn't want to happen to us. He is underneath, and he is way out ahead. He is looking deep into your heart and way into your future.

3. What are we to do with our plans? I think probably the biggest question we should answer now at this point is what we are to do with our plans. I think verse 3 will help us there, so let's read that. What do we do with our plans? Are you ready for this? It says, "Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established." That's kind of a trick question. What are we supposed to do with our plans? That's flip-flopped, right?

The Bible doesn't say, "Commit your plans to the Lord, and your works will be established." He says, "Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established." It's the best possible outcome for us that he would flip-flop that. The word commit means literally to roll over, to lay on top of, to put your full weight onto something. God is saying if you lay all of yourself, if you commit the full weight of your life to the trust and to the service of Yahweh, your plans will be established.

I mean, that means you would say even today, "Whatever you ask of me, whatever you send to me, whatever you're calling me to do, even if I don't understand that thing, the answer is yes." You're abandoning yourself over to him. Some of you may go, "Well, that sounds really fatalistic, like I'm just lying down, and he is deciding everything." No, they're still your plans. I think Jeremiah can help us with this.

Jeremiah is this Old Testament prophet. He is asked to minister to people who don't want to listen. He is told, "You're going to have to wait a long time, and you're going to see very little fruit." His conversations with God are just epic. I mean, he is emotional. He cries. He complains. He is like, "Help me! God, what are you doing? I don't understand. I don't have the chops for this. Help me figure out what you're doing!"

Talk to him! Have a good, healthy back-and-forth dialogue with him. Talk to him. Bring the desires of your heart to the Lord. You're saying, "This isn't happening. Let me see this." He is a good Father. Watch him shape those desires while it's happening. Commit your life to him while you're doing it. This is the great invitation. You're saying, "I don't understand you, but I trust you." You get to bring your plans before the Lord, and you get to talk.

Talk to him! Have a good, healthy back-and-forth dialogue with him. Talk to him. Bring the desires of your heart to the Lord. You're saying, "This isn't happening. Let me see this." He is a good Father. Watch him shape those desires while it's happening. Commit your life to him while you're doing it. This is the great invitation. You're saying, "I don't understand you, but I trust you." You get to bring your plans before the Lord, and you get to talk.

I learned something in the crucifixion story in Matthew that I had never seen before. I say this in closing. You have Jesus hanging on a cross. He has been crucified. You have Israel's elite. You have the chief priests. You have the scribes. You have the elders. They're sitting there, and they're mocking Jesus while he is dying. They're telling him, "You saved others. You can't save yourself. You say you trust God. Let God deliver you. You're the king. Come down off the cross, and we'll believe."

Their understanding of what a messiah would be was completely different from what the Messiah actually was. They were the ruling class. They had the most to gain. What they're saying is, "You need to go back there. You need to sack Rome. You need to run Rome out. You need to restore Israel to her glory days, the days when the proverbs were written." Basically they're saying, "Give us our plans. Give us better circumstances. Give us the life we wanted."

They had so much to gain in that prayer. Jesus listens to that appeal. In the most loving act in human history, he stays. He stays for them. The most loving act of human history. He sees it through. He purchases for them the best possible thing he could give them, and he doesn't answer their prayers. But he gives them the best possible gift he could give them. That is his life, forgiveness of sin, and nearness and reconciliation back to God.

When they were trying to pull him off the cross to get the things they thought they had to have, he stayed up there. He is listening to them tell him what they think they need. He is giving them what they have to have: his life. His life! What does this mean for us? It means God cares so much about the details of our lives that he will give everything and withhold everything that is necessary to conform us into the life of Jesus.

Yet the gospel says we are free to ask anything we want, assuming you want God to decide if it's good for you or not. It means the offer for him to take control is available for anyone who is coming to realize even this morning how hollow their plans really are. It gives us really good perspective. It gives us really good perspective!

To be a Christian is to say, "You gave yourself totally for me to make me pure, to forgive me of my sins, and for us to be together. Do not let anything come in my way. I couldn't even possibly be satisfied in getting every little dream of my heart if you're not in it. Don't give me something I think I want that's going to kill me. Don't do that!"

To be a Christian is to pray those prayers often. You know, Keller says it so well. God doesn't promise us better circumstances. He promises us a better life, he promises a new heart, that will transform even the most difficult of circumstances into good, even the most difficult seasons of waiting into good. There's no chance that you're going to avoid suffering, so stop trying to step away from it. You're going to step into suffering. I'm not saying to look for it, but when it comes, you're going to have to step into it.

The promise of a newly created heart is that God is going to transform that suffering into a grace and conform you into the life of his Son all the while. What do we do with our plans? Well, we trust this. We trust the gospel, and we get to keep asking and asking and asking because he is a good Father who loves to give good gifts. He loves to give good gifts. Commit your life to Jesus today. Put your full trust in his trustworthiness. The Bible says as a result of that (and this is really cool), your plans, everything he intends for your life, will be established.


Amen and Amen.

I See Scribbles

Ambut uy. Libug pajud kaayo tanan. Murag akong life karon kay series of dots pajud. Murag everything is in a standstill while the people around me are in motion. Murag undefined pa kaayo tanan. Uncertain. Everything is scrambled. Like all this time I was unconsciously building for that* but everything fell apart and crumbled down and I'm just here in all the ruins and the aftermath of it all. Not knowing what and where to start. 

Lord, mao na siguro ni ang giingon nga All I Have Is Christ. You took everything away from me. All your answers was either a "No", or "Just Wait". The thing that I most fervently prayed for was YOUR WILL. And I believe that this is what's happening to me right now. 
But why does it hurt this much? 

Arrogant ra kaayo ko ug proud ug no reverence nga maka-pangutana nimo ana Lord but, you know my heart. Forgive me. Sakit lang jud. 

Pero despite ani tanan Lord. I am putting my trust in You. 
Walang wala najud ko ron Lord. I lift my empty hands. Come fill me up again. Have Your way in Me. I was blind but now I see. My tears, although they come in unexpected times of the day, have continued to clean my eyes to help me focus on YOU. You have took everything that I cling to that would take me away from you. You have "reformatted" my life. Pruned me. Rebuked me. All because You loved me so much.

Now, I will praise Your name Hallelujah. I will lift your Name on high. All I have is Christ. Though you may not calm the storms around me, I will find my rest in you. My wretched soul will continue to Praise you in this storm. And I will still declare and claim Jeremiah 29:11. Because You are not done with me yet. Your faithfulness does not depend on my situation. And whatever you have started with me, you will be faithful to complete it. 

I will be your people. And You shall always be my God.

Awhile

I quote David Levithan's Lovers Dictionary:

“awhile, adv.

I love the vagueness of words that involve time. 'It took him awhile to come back' -- it could be a matter of minutes or hours, days or years.
It is easy for me to say it took me awhile to know. That is about as accurate as I can get. There were sneak previews of knowing, for sure. Instance that made me feel, oh, this could be right, But the moment I shifted from a hope that needed to be proven to a certainty that would be continually challenged? There's no pinpointing that.
Perhaps it never happened. Perhaps it happened while I was asleep. Most likely, there's no signal event. There's just the steady accumulation of 'awhile'.”

It has been a long time since I've last posted something here - about a year ago. And a lot has happened. A lot has changed. I want to tell you of it all but with the given limitations of my situation - a ticking internet cafe timer, and a memory that of a goldfish, I cannot narrate it in details. Good thing, there are bullets! 

(Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Since August 2013...)

• I became a Christian.
• I finished Research 2. Major Revision paper, Major Revision life (with results worthy of Distinction, all praises and honor be to Christ).
• Recognition 2014: Best in RLE for Fourth Year, and Excellence in Deportment Awardee (praise God).
• My Uncle Choy and Lola Merced arrived from States for my graduation, and Jelo's and Fran's as well.
• I graduated college.(Finally.)
• I reviewed at Powerhouse and had this year's best 2 months, ever! :D
• I woke up with a blurry vision, floaters, and seeing "cobwebs". Then I got diagnosed as having Central Retinal Vein occlusion and Glaucoma OU, by an ophthalmologist who would make you second guess his profession judging by his "clinic" at Cebu Doc. Then, for the first time in forever and hope it doesn't happen again, I got 'operated' using LASER, and is maintained by Timolol drops for...well, for ever. (Which God used for me to realize that I should live by FAITH and not by Sight, which is quite clever using it in its literal form, but is really fine if that's what He wills :)
• I took the NLE last May 25-26. 
• I realized  I would get bored from a one week vacation - which led me to the next bullet.
• I applied to different call centers, and was denied by the same call centers.
• I applied to ESL at CPILS. Got hired. Now undergoing training. And was promised to start teaching next week. (Ambivalence).
• I learned how hard it is to apply for something completely out of your field!
• During application days for call centers and ESL, my eyes were becoming sensitive to nurses and their white uniforms. Like I could spot them in a 10-mile radius, or just stare at them walking by and thinking to myself..."wow, my dream uniform, right there.."
• Ransacked my closet, and my cousins' as well, to look for dresses...et voila, our "dress" code for teaching. (</3)
• Knew the difference between "cabinet" and "closet", "I don't mind" and "I don't care", even "table" from a "desk". (Like seriously, who would have thought it would be so hard to tell the difference between them...but again, seriously, ask yourself and then tell me it's not hard.)
• Feeling the feeling of being a student once again, but this time, majoring in English.
• Did something really stupid. But then learned from it. I hope this time, for good.
• And now? I'm still waiting for the results, which was said to be released before this month ends.

It's amazing how a year could change a person so much. But I came to know it's not the time, nor the situation, nor the people in your life that changes you. God does. God just uses them as His instruments to make you become more like His Son, Jesus Christ. And as for me, I cannot thank my God for changing me. Even if it means through disappointments, rejections, heartaches, pain, illnesses, and waiting in Faith. 

2 Corinthians 5:17"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ. He is a new creation! The old has gone, the new has come."

Dear Lord,

Lord God, alam nyo naman po na mateknolohiya na ang panahon ngayon. Kaya idadaan ko po dito ang dasal ko. Lord, hindi naman po naiba ang thought nito at ang sinseridad na nasa puso ko kumpara ng mag dadasal ako sa simbahan, o sa kahit anong oras ng araw ko. Idadaan ko lang po dito yung panalangin ko sa Inyo kasi po tingin ko mas ma-eexpress ko pa po yung gusto kong sabihin sa Inyo.

Salamat po sa lahat ng biyayang pinagkaloob nyo sa akin, sa pamilya ko, at sa mga mahal ko sa buhay ngayong 2011. Sa totoo lang po, kahit medyo gipit na gipit kami sa pang material na kayamanan gaya ng pera, eh hindi naman po kayo nagkulang na biyayaan kami ng mga bagay na kelan man ay hindi ma-tutumbasan ng salapi. Gaya na lamang po ng aming kalusugan, lalong lalo na sa mga lolo at lola ko. Salamat at walang sakit ang dumatnan sa amin ngayong taon na ito. Special mention ko lang po si Lolo Gabriel ko. Lord, alam kong masaya na siya sa piling Nyo ngayon. Lolo Gabriel, alam ko na madadama mo itong message ko: Mahal po kita. Kahit paminsan2x lang akong bumibisita sa Fairview, mahal po kita. Tinatawagan ko po kayo dati ni Lola Carmen twing Christmas o New Year, naalala nyo pa po ba? Hindi ko na magagawa ngayon yan Lolo. Bukod sa wala ka na, eh wala na rin kaming telephone sa bahay. Pero Lolo, hindi na ako mababahala pa kasi alam kong kasama mo na ang Poong Maykapal. Na binigyan ka na nya ng Eternal Rest. At balang araw, magkikita tayo kasama si Lord. Yayakapin po kita, gaya ng pagyakap ko sa iyo tatlong araw bago kayo pumanaw. Naiiyak ako Lolo, kasi may mga pagkukulang din ako sa inyo. Pero mahal na mahal kita Lo, alam mo yan. At masaya ako na nakapagpahinga kana sa mundong ito.

Lord God, pasensya na at na ano pa yung topic. Hmmm, Lord, paulit ulit ko nalang tong sinasabi ang pagpapasalamat ko sa inyo. Eh kasi andami talaga ng biyaya. At salamat kasi nakikita ko yon, napagpahalagahan. Yun siguro yung importante. Yung Pagpapahalaga. Ipinagdarasal ko din po ang mga puso ng mga taong kulang sa pagpapahalaga. Sana makita nila ang Iyong pagmamahal sa araw araw na walang palya at hindi tumbas ng karangyaan sa buhay o kung ano mang pagpapala.

Lord God, tungkol naman po sa pag-aaral ko, unang una, nagpapasalamat po ako dahil sa simula't sapul, binigyan nyo po ako ng oportunidad na mahalin yung kursong Nursing kaya't naging madali nalang halos lahat ng leksyon sa akin. But despite of this, help me to be humble and not boast but not to the point that I won't honor any credits I have earned because of Your help and guidance. It has been almost 2 years sa College, at since day 1, alam kong hindi Nyo po ako pinabayaan. Hinihingi ko po na sana ipagpatuloy nyo po ang pag gguide sa hindi lang hanggang ma realize ko po yung dreams ko to be a nurse, pero hanggang po sa huling hininga ko believing in Your grace that have saved me ever since. Sa pang-araw araw ko po na buhay eskwela, inaamin kong hindi ko kaya lahat ng ito kung wala ang Inyong tulong. Nagkukulang po ako, at kelangan ko ang Inyong Divine Intervention upang tugunan ang pag kukulang ko. At higit sa lahat, ipinagdarasal ko po na sana, kahit anong mangyari, kahit magka-graduate ko po o makakita na ako ng trabaho, kahit saan ako mapunta sa mundong ito, SANA PO, hindi ko po makakalimutan ang True Essence of being a Nurse. Of being an angel to the sick through Your Grace. Alam kong madulas ang daan, at nakakasilaw ang pangmundong karangyaan, pero LORD, Strengthen my faith and devotion to the Nursing Advocacy. Na hindi ko po i-eequate yung pagiging nurse sa pera at greener pastures, kundi, ang pagtulong sa mga higit na nangangailangan through your Will and Grace.

Lord God, marami rin akong nagawang kasalanan sa taong ito at sa mga nakaraang taon. Sa kayrami nila eh puro temptation lang lahat nauugat. Temptation. Lord, ang dali dali ko lang ma-tukso. Kahit anong isipin ko, na tutukso agad ako. Ang dali ko lang magpadala sa galit, kaya kung ano ano na ang naiisip ko. Ano po ba yung kelangan ko Lord? Discipline po ba? or mas greater pa dun? Lord, sa twing nalalayo ka po sa akin, pa-alalahanin nyo po ako kung ano ang tama at ano ang mali. Help me to be still. Or not to be still.Kung takbuhan yung tukso, umusog ng ilang steps at para hindi na makakita ng opportunity na ma tempt ako ulit. Yan po yung challenge ko this year. Makakayanan ko, in your Name, I can resist temptation!

Marami pa akong idadasal Lord God, marami pa akong ikkwento, nakikinig ka po palagi alam ko yan. Salamat po sa pakikinig. I also pray for the people whose faith is wavering, na isang thread nalang ang nag cconnect. I pray for them Lord. Whoever they are. For it is of great sadness to think of little or no faith. I also pray for the depressed, oppressed, and homeless. That they may find solace in just a simple thought of You.

I love You Lord. Let me feel Your Presence everyday. Never let me be separated from You, my God :-)