Don't Fall in Love with People Like Me

“Do not fall in love
With people like me.
people like me
will love you so hard
that you turn into stone
into a statue where people
come to marvel at how long
it must have taken to carve
that faraway look into your eyes

Do not fall in love
With people like me;
we will take you to
museums and parks
and monuments
and kiss you in every beautiful
place so that you can
never go back to them
without tasting us
like blood in your mouth

Do not come any closer.
people like me
are bombs
when our time is up
we will splatter loss
all over your walls
in angry colors
that make you wish
your doorway never
learned our name

Do not fall in love
With people like me.
with the lonely ones
we will forget our own names
if it means learning yours
we will make you think
hurricanes are gentle
that pain is a gift
you will get lost
in the desperation
in the longing for something
that is always reaching
but never able to hold

Do not fall in love
with people like me.
We will destroy your
apartment
we will throw apologies at you
that shatter on the floor
and cut your feet

We will never learn
how to be soft

We will leave.
We always do.”

— Do Not Fall in Love With People Like Me

Maging Isang Maykatha

"The impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes."

- Annie Dillard

The Writing Life

Walang masama sa pagiging isang mambabasa. Ngunit kung hanggang doon ka nalang, parang ang kulang naman ata?

Oo, sinisipsip mo nga ang mga idea na binabasa mo galing sa boses at opinyon ng ibang tao, subalit gugustuhin mo bang hanggang doon ka nalang? Sa pagsisipsip at pangongolekta ng mga idea? 

Isipin mo ito, saan ang sa tingin mo mas malaman mag-pahayag ng chismis? (1) Yung certified hardcore chismosa, o (2) yun talagang pinanggagalingan ng mismong pangyayari sa chismis? Kung pinili mo yung pangalawa, siguro mas komportable kang makinig sa mga nakasulat na salita sa mga pahayagan. Kung pinili mo yung nauna, e siguro alam mo na kung saan patungo ang mga sinasabi ko. 

Ang chismosa kasi, para siyang taong mahilig mag-basa ng mga libro. Binabasa nya at ina-absorb lahat ng sinasabi ng bawat may katha. Pwede siyang sumangayon o sumalungat, ngunit ang dulo dito e siya ang mas maraming back story.

Harayain mo nga, pag ang chismosang yan, natutong magsulat, inilipat ang lahat ng ideyang kanyang nakalap sa bawat librong binasa at hinalo sa kanyang sariling opinyon, et voila, naging isang manunulat.

Siguro ang tunay na kinatatakutan ng lahat ng tao ay hindi ang kamatayan. Kundi ang paglimot. Pagkatakot na ang isang tulad nya na minsang gumala at nagkalat sa mundong ibabaw e maibabaon nalang sa limot. Dahil rin siguro hindi na kailangan mamatay ang isang tao upang magkaroon siya ng gate pass into oblivion. 

Kung naging mambabasa ka lang, sa tingin ko e masla-laki ang tsansa mong manalo ng jackpot prize ng tiket to oblivion. Subalit kung nag-iwan ka ng basura (kahit mangamoy man ito o hindi) at ipapahid mo ito sa isang papel gamit ang nag-tataeng tinta -- nag-iwan ka parin ng palatandaan sa mundo kung gaano ka kagaling maging isang magkakalat.

Ang gusto ko lang iparating e, wag ka lang makontentong maging isang mambabasa. Maihahanlintulad mo ang sarili mo sa isang leecher ng website-pandownload ng mga ripped movies. Wag mong sipsipin at itago at angkinin at ibaon sa limot lahat ng ideya mo at idea ng ibang tao diyan sa utak mo na di kalaunan at aagnasin din pagdating ng panahon. Bumuo ka rin ng sarili mong obra! Magsulat ka. Iparinig mo ang iyong boses sa pamamagitan ng binabasang salita. Mag-iwan ka ng basura kagaya ng mga awtor na kinagigiliwan mong libro. Total, kung self-proclaimed magbabasa ka (at magaling ka sa larangang iyan), isa ka ring certified hardcore chismosa.

Hell Semester [A Teaser Post]

I have been meaning to compose an entry as to the events that has happened to me since the commencement of second semester otherwise known as "Hell Semester". But apparently, I do not have the luxury of time to do so. That does not mean, however, that I will not write about it anymore. Perhaps during the Christmas break (if, of course, we will still have the privilege of enjoying one), you could expect an entry from me.

Until then :)

A Silver Lining

Someday, I won't be writing about you anymore.

All these unhealthy feelings that are concealed deep within the crevices of my heart - like spider webs on an abandoned manor - will be dusted off.

I am hopeful.

It may take some time, but then again, time is all that is left of me now.

"But I hope it happens to me someday..."

I'm On The Right Track

❝ I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too."

— Pablo Neruda

Them Bullets

Today is Thursday - in an Intramurals week, that is. And for that, we do not have classes (insert ecstatic gif right here).

For the four days of sleeping-late-waking-up-late routine, I have came to the conclusion of a few little things. And by a few I mean I need to write about them in bullets:

• I did not expect I would actually come to think of this but...I find that the internet is getting boring. I mean, it's not like four years ago when I could live for days locked up in my room with just fast internet connection and chocolate turtle cake. Now, I could barely last 8 hours straight. And that's already saying something.
• I realized that reading about 4 chapters of Gastrointestinal System (status: 3 out of 4) + 1 Module of Colostomy Care (still pending, by the way) is way too much for me to handle. I used to love G.I. back in elementary. It was my favorite system, as a matter of fact. I wonder what ever happened to that now.  Like I just became fed up about it (no pun intended). It's making me a little bit hypochondriac, too. The long exam is gonna be next week, and still I feel like the topics are not sinking in to me. It's like I keep on missing something...my enthusiasm? Oh, I hope not. One thing's fo sure though, it's not like in elementary anymore. 
• My phone is the most depressing thing ever. I keep myself from checking on it because if I did it would only make me feel even more alone. Like "yeah, thanks a lot, phone, for rubbing it in my face how big of a party my sms-life is." 
• Combi Crackers (the blue ones) are to die for! They just cure every bit of chocolate craving in me without getting too guilty for the price. I'm munching one right now.
• I'm looking forward to borrowing Paper Towns, from my friend who also lent me Looking For Alaska. John Green is such an amazing author. My friend is such an amazing friend.
• Yesterday night I watched A Walk To Remember for the first time ever (no kidding!) alone. Do you ever feel that lump in your throat when you try with all your might to hold back your tears? This was what I was doing when I watched the movie. I had to do that cause it was already late and everyone was sleeping and imagine if one of my family wakes up to see me crying my heart out (coryza dripping and all) with just the light coming from the laptop screen illuminating my face. Oh, I cannot find any fitting adjective on how to describe this movie. Saying it was heart-warming would not suffice. And I presume most of you have already seen the movie, so you probably know what I mean.
• And I'm undoubtedly worried about next week. That's the thing about the week after a no-class week...it's gonna be a little agonizing convincing yourself that it's back to reality again. (OR/DR PRC forms to be submitted, long exams and quizzes, biostat shizznits, one-point something depressions, et cetera.)

On the bright side, I still have the remaining days of me being a free citizen to do some catching up. So...yeah. 

Hiling by Silent Sanctuary

Minsan di ko maiwasang isipin ka

Lalo na sa t'wing nag iisa 

Ano na kayang balita sayo 

Naiisip mo rin kaya ako? 

Simula nang ikaw ay mawala 

Wala nang dahilan para lumuha 

Damdamin pilit ko nang tinatago

Hinahanap ka parin ng aking puso

Parang kulang nga kapag ika'y wala 

At hihiling sa mga bituin

Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin 

Hihiling kahit dumilim

Ang aking daan na tatahakin... 

Patungo... 

Ala-ala mong tinangay na ng hangin

Sa langit ko na lamang ba yayakapin 

Nasan ka na kaya, aasa ba sa wala? 

At hihiling sa mga bituin... 

Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin... 

Hihiling kahit dumilim... 

Ang aking daan na tatahakin... 

Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo... 

Ipipikit ko ang aking mata dahil... 

Nais ka lamang mahagkan... 

Nais ka lamang masilalayan... 

Kahit alam kong tapos na

Kahit alam kong wala ka na... 

At Hihiling sa mga bituin

Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin

Hihiling kahit dumilim

Ang aking daan na tatahakin

Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo.

Who's A Sourgrape?

"Sometimes you make the right decision. Sometimes you make the decision right."

-Phillip C. McGraw 

Sadly, there are no U-turns in life, no backspace, no undo, no CTRL + Z. It's up to us how we can make the most out of our decisions, no matter how regretfully bad they are.


Everything happens for a reason.


The regret that I carried on for 2 years now has been again bothering me. But then, this time I know better. I think all I need is to really double my time with stuff worth double-timing. Equip myself with the appropriate motivation and inspiration, quotes, books, and of course, prayers.

This will be a tough semester, well next to second semester of 3rd year, of course (but it's too early to worry about that for now).

I hope the things that I learned in the orientation will really sink in and be incorporated in my thoughts. First week and it's been a stress already! Lord, please guide me always.

Come What "May"

May 2012 has officially ended two days ago but it took me that long to sort out whether or not I should write a blog post about it.

As you have noticed (or not), my internet activity has significantly increased in this month more than any other months of the year. This could be justified by an increment in the number of blog entries, tweets, status updates, videos watched and favorited, and reblogs. I need not name the websites associated with the terms I used, do I? Also to add more of that "increase in activity", I have been able to avail those unlimited calls and texts offers my cellular network provides me. Though they cost a little too much for my daily summer allowance, there is a reason why, for the first time in the whole history of me having a cellphone, I've purchased Unlicall + text 25.

I didn't quite expect my month to turn out this way though; I thought it was just another Summer month. But it wasn't. And I'll tell you why.

Well it all started on the first day, May 1. I don't really think I should delve deeper as to what happened this day, but to just give you all nosy people a hint, I welcomed someone in my life. And that's when things started to go topsy-turvy -- too much for a month to handle.

Just a reference, I had summer classes from mid-April to mid-May. The last two weeks of it were all centered on that someone I've met. Well, this isn't a private blog and I think it'd be inappropriate to spill the details but we communicated in all forms of communication, apart from the most convenient one, talking face to face. I guess you get the sitch. (Insert Call Me Maybe tune here).

Long story short, I thought what we had was real (eww gross!) and I imagined all the possibilities that we could have been but it turns out he was a total jerk and I was better off without him. I realized a lot of things, but some in a painful way.

I have come to the conclusion that you should not settle for anything less than what you deserve. If you think you deserve to be respected, then don't settle for someone who doesn't give you that.

To quote my favorite movie, (500) Days of Summer, "the best way to get over a guy is to turn him into literature". Considering the fact that what we had was just a meager summer fling, I would just turn him into a blog entry. El oh el.

Meanwhile, on the other side of my life, my immune system has been battling recurrent otitis media brought about by sore throat and colds. I get bouts of fever every once in a while but they're not that high. Being a nursing student can be hard sometimes; you can get paranoid on almost anything that's going wrong in your systems. There was one night when my ears ached so hard my head ached too (I couldn't tell which is worse), I was thinking that my 8th cranial nerve was already infected by the bacteria, then I was starting to feel dizzy and I was too scared to sleep and so I just cried and cried until my nose went all congested I had to change position..next thing I knew it was already morning. Kuh-razy!

I decided to put Come What "May" as a title because it ends the month on a positive note. Deep inside, way past the bitterness of my heart and saltiness of my phlegm (ew!), I am optimistic that things will turn out for the better.