A Clearer View At The Back

I have always been that person who has no issues of having to sit at the front pews during Sunday services. I would go straight to occupy the front seats in church whenever I can. Just recently however, owing to the mandatory overtimes that have affected my Sat-Sun schedules, I have resorted to sitting at the back, not wanting to disturb others when I had to leave 30 minutes earlier before service ends. 

Sitting at the back, sure it didn't have this "one-on-one" feeling I get when seated at the first few rows, it didn't have the unobstructed view of the pulpit, there was a conscious fight of distraction that I wouldn't very much have to worry about when in front, however sitting at the back gave me a fresh view of who God is; that He is transcendent and actively at work even to the souls seated in the last, often unnoticed seats at church.

A few seats away from me was this noticeably huge-for-his-age teenage boy, and together with him was what I reckon is his mother. I'd like to call him John. Let's call him John. John's aura was unusually very friendly, shaking hands of every passer by and even shook my hand twice in occasion. I smiled at him, and so did most of the people near our seat. However good his mother is at maintaining her composure, her body language gave it away that her patience was slowly wearing thin. At that time, I thought to myself, Wow, how amazing God's love is. How great is patience towards us. How great is his grace. During worship, I glanced their way and I see him singing the songs a little louder than the rest but still, it touched my heart. If it touched my heart, how much more God's? I began to praise God more when I realize, we are all fallen beings. Perhaps just different version (I say 'version', not 'degree') of depravity from one another, but we are no different from John, we are altogether depraved. We are in need of a savior, a loving Father who is patient, a loving Father who understands our depraved nature and sends for us a Savior.

I remembered this quote from Rosario Washer's twitter account, it goes:

"He cannot refuse you. As I read in an old Puritan this week, he says, "Come to Jesus, sinner; and if you are lame, come lame; and if you say you have no feet, come on your stumps. Come as you can, for he cannot reject you till he denies himself. He must cease to be faithful before he can reject any sinner that comes humbly to rest upon him." Try him to-day, you aged people! Seek him, and he will be found by you. You young people, turn not your backs upon him! and you in middle life, O close in with him this day, and may he give you the water of life!"

Not only that, together with me at the back were the first timers at church - those who have the look of hesitancy but eagerness in their faces,  those who are seemingly apprehensive to raise their hands during worship, who don't yet know what quite to make of this, but here they are. Probably some of these faces are backsliders, who have been cold at some point in their Christian walk, and its their first Sunday to come back and may have been so afraid and ashamed of their selves but still, by the Holy Spirit's working, they are back again, worshiping, praising God, hearing his word once again, coming back to their first love. I look at these people and I see a reflection of myself. Like a baby learning their first steps, and God as a Father who is ever patient with a heart full of excitement and encouragement saying "... do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " (Isaiah 41:10) He truly is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. (Psalm 103:8)

I felt so humbled at the experience God put me through. If anything, it strengthened my faith in him, it edified me, it encouraged me, as God made himself manifest to me in that way. The more I know him, the more I fall in love with him. The more I know him, the more I want to know more of him. If God showed a portion of his being on that experience to me, I cannot imagine what grand it must be for Moses to taste God in a more intimate way (Exodus 33). My face is glowing, how Moses' face must be a thousand times radiant! Oh God, God of the universe, YAHWEH, what's not to love? The LORD is amazing in all his ways. My heart is bowed down, in awe and reverence of the works You do.

Romans 8:38-39 says,
"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Indeed, absolutely NOTHING can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord..Not even that disability you or your loved one has, not your backsliding, not your unsure heart (2 Timothy 2:13), not even a few seats back during Sunday service.


What a God! Praise His holy name!

Thoughts To Ponder Before You Begin Dating

Are you willing to stay and settle with this man for the next 50, 80 years? Are you willing to go with him wherever the Lord's ministry calls him through the Holy Spirit, as Ruth went with Naomi? Are you willing to wake up every-day to his face? Are you willing to share your household with him? Are you willing to make every decision of your life shared with and consulted by him? Are you willing to SUBMIT to him as the Church submits to Christ? Are you willing to walk in the Lord with *him* by your side? Are you willing to leave and cleave and be with him as one flesh? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with him?

It Finds Its Way To You

God's answer to every issue in my life right now,
whether in singleness or in career and future-wise:

Hebrews 12:2. Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Solid example about sa lovelife...
Naay song na ganahan ko. Had not I opened spotify, I would never have discovered it. Or so I thought. Because a couple of weeks after, while naa ko sa naga bay, nakadungog ko ato. And the feeling is still the same. So I realized na even if wala ko nka open sa spotify, life still has a way of letting me know about that song. Ana lang siguro. How does this relate to my lovelife? Well, in a godly perspective, if life - whom God is the author of - has a way of leading even a single song to me, how much more those weighty matters like a lifetime partner (LTP) and career?

It is indeed true that the earth is the Lord's, and everything in it (Psalm 24:1)...and everything is a reason to give thanks to the Father (1 Thes. 5:17), and nothing escapes his notice (Hebrews 4:13), he examines every heart, his eyes gaze to and fro to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him (2 Chron. 16:9), and that in his presence there is fullness of joy and at his right hand are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11).

So knowing this. I am fully confident in God through Christ in his fullness.

Journey to Becoming a USRN: A Testimony

Honestly, I had a hard time on how to start this entry. So many things have happened since I last made a blog post here, considering it's only been about a month. Well, this appears to be my first in year 2018. Like how I praisefully ended last year, I will start this year off with more and more praise and thanksgiving.

The highlight for the starting months would be my NCLEX. It is a state board exam for me to be licensed to practice in the USA. That "American Dream" was just a dream for me, so to speak, even when I was still a kid. A little trip down memory lane, as a child I always wanted to work 'abroad', and 'abroad' always meant the US. But as I graduated college and started working, the trend of nurses to apply for the US have been declining because of stricter laws. This has also negatively affected my dreams. I thought they were down the drain. I began to accept that.

But you know? God is just so amazingly unpredictable. As Isaiah 55:8-9 says,

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.

His thoughts are far greater than ours. And also Ephesians 3:20 declares,

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or think.

 and so many other verses with the common theme: God is GREATER. He is immeasurably over, above, and beyond everything. How amazing is it that He is our God? More than that, we are able to call Him "Abba, Father", all because of Christ!

Following my seemingly sad state of having a near-miss point in IELTS last year (see older entries), God has proven himself once again to be the REDEEMER that He is. Isn't it amazing that He, as if Christ's salvation and redemption is not enough, is also willing to redeem us from our each and every version of our pit, and build us back to beauty from ashes? Yep, I guess that is one of his many specialties that I am so thankful for. Oh, a christian's life is full of praising isn't it? Because the God that we serve is always worthy of it all! I don't want to apologize that I sound like I can't contain it because I really cannot! When I remember God's faithfulness, it's hard to keep it to yourself, to not share the joy, to just explode in praising and worship. No wonder God set eternity in the hearts of all his children because we need all eternity to praise and worship him.

Okay so where was I? Uhm yeah, so after days of wailing about how my score turned out for IELTS. I have hoped that I would really get it. Isn't it funny how you're so caught up in your dreams that it begins to cloud your spiritual senses? If I had passed that test, I would surely be in a place that I would regret in the long run. Another Jeremiah 29:11 promise brewing I might say. I'm just so thankful once again that God is sovereign. There were numerous times wherein God has overridden my self-will, and I cannot thank him enough for those times. Sometimes, despite how unbiblical this thought can be, I wish God would just take full control of me, my desires, since He knows best. Yet again, he doesn't want robots, he wants US - the raw us. He wants for us to willfully give him his love. What's even amazing is that, even the strength that is in us to give the love that He deserves does not come from us - It all comes from him! (1 John 4:19) WOW. So were is boasting? None! It is all to him. Wow.

When I was in despair, distraught that I had disappointed my parents, I didn't know where I would go next. I was without direction. If I were to speak in carnal terms, it seemed like God took my dream away from me leaving me with no clue on where next to go. I was so sure of it before, after this, I'd proceed to that, et cetera. As it turns out, I was in the place where every ounce of dream that I had has been drained off my system. Little did I know, even know as I look back, this is how the Lord sanctified Moses, David, Abraham, Paul, and all the other men in the Bible. God emptied them off of theirselves until they were now filled with HIM. Wow. T_T I cannot even fathom how God would consider me His temple through Christ. Yet he looks at Christ's righteousness, not on my own. I take off the old man, and put on the new one. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

So back to my story, I knew that gone are my plans of going to the countries I considered, but one night shift, I was assigned to another area because ICU didn't have any patients. To cut the story short, I got introduced to this agency called Avant by my colleague. She passed NCLEX and she's processing her US application, and she recommended me that I try to apply. Coincidentally, when I checked, Avant will be conducting an interview the next 2 weeks after that. Wow! Talk about God-ordained moment. I then got accepted in their 7-month review program, and this January 2018, I sit for the NCLEX in Makati- all expense paid!

I can't even begin to talk about my 2-day retreat with Jesus and me in Makati, thousand miles away from home, flying all by myself for the first time, to go to a place I don't have any single idea what it would be like. Oh what amazing and sweet time we had in Makati. I know it's not because of the liberty of being alone in a new place, nor the pressure I felt during while preparing for the exam. I knew it was because He was there, with every waking breath, every single space, every decision, He is there. His presence is just overwhelming. His word fell afresh on me as I meditate on it in the Hotel, in the way going elsewhere I need to go, even in my sleep, more so in my exam. I just felt, during this whole journey with him, that he's been carrying me. I'm literally not lifting any muscle, it's just been him all along.

Now you may be wondering why I attached a picture of some rocks put together some on top of another. Well, in the Old Testament, God always tell his people Israelites to remember and never forget his benefits (Psalm 103:2). That's why this serves as my "rock of remembrance", to remind myself that God has delivered me, God has redeemed me, and He will continue to give more of himself to me as I fix my eyes on Jesus no matter what comes my way in the next days.

For more info on rock of remembrances, you might want to check this website:
https://soulspartan.com/2014/01/27/altars-of-remembrance/

At various times in the Old Testament, God’s people set up a simple altar of remembrance at a place where God did an especially powerful miracle, at a place where God dramatically rescued His people, at a place where God taught them an important lesson. These altars of remembrance–constructed of simple, local stones–would serve to remind future generations of God’s past faithfulness in order to give them strength to continue trusting the LORD in their present trials.

 

To The God Who Restores: A Testimony

"My times are in Your hands..."

-Psalm 31:15 

The year that is 2017 has been a year of breaking, shedding, rearranging, to make room for more anointing. And indeed, God has been so keen and so involved even in the nitty gritty details of my life. How wonderful indeed it is to know that the God of the whole universe takes so much interest and care on what happens in this tiny heart who longs for Him.

Even though some dreams were not realized, God has replaced it with so much more! Even more than I could ever ask for. Truly, He is more concerned with my spiritual growth than any other growth of my life. And I am truly thankful for Him - even this zeal, this passion, this hunger for more of Jesus doesn't spring out from me...it comes from him. Mindblowing. I just look back, had God permitted me to go and work abroad, be busy for every preparation, I wouldn't experience his amazing work and in turn, I wouldn't have more revelations of Him.

I know he is a God who doesn't waste a hurt. Indeed, he never did! He rearranged my perspectives in life. He opened my eyes to see how he is working, how he's been faithful in every aspect of my life, my family, the people around me. He is sovereign over all. And I am just in the position of praise when I see how he is doing it all for His greater glory. It just leaves me in awe. He has got everything in his hands: He will command everything, arrange everything, while I am just here, kneeling in front of Him, serving Him with the strength He provides, giving Him the praises from the very breath he gave me, loving Him with the love he rains down upon me. For His Greater Glory.

So this year, and for ever more. I will always put my hope, my trust, my confidence, every single molecule of my being, to the One who has captivated me body and soul; to the One who owns my life bought with the precious Blood of Christ; to the One who knows me, who gave himself up for me, and who will come back for me, to bring me to the place He prepared for me, whose Name is above all names. JESUS the CHRIST.

Signed and sealed.

Tired.

So tired.
I don't like this feeling at all.
Stuck in something
When will
this
all make
sense?

I want to get away
where am I heading
I hate you
I hate
how I cannot
escape

when all I ever
needed
is
to
be
no
ti
ce
d.

Lord, gikapoy nako. Wa nako kabalo asa jud ko padulong. T_T I am in a quagmire and quandary T_T

God's Faithfulness in Our Mess

In my three years of walking with the Lord, my life has never been the same since. He has been three-dimensionally present in me. As my favorite Christian author would put it, the Holy Trinity is transcendent in every believer in such a way that God the Father is above him, Jesus Christ the Son is beside him, and the Holy Spirit is inside of him. That's exactly what I feel now that I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

My journey as a Christian has not been an easy road. It is not devoid of trials, temptations, failures, and a lot of hardships that have tested me. Like any other relationship, we have faced and dealt with numerous issues, continually changing, sanctifying, pruning, but most importantly, abiding in Christ through it all. But also, unlike any other relationship, the one I have with Jesus is wholly different as I can now do all things through Him who gives me strength. With grateful heart, I praise God for every experience he has put me through because that has borne in me Faith which, to him, is more precious than gold.

Indeed, when I backread my prayer journals, I can attest that all the songs of praise and worship written and sung to the Lord for generations upon generations are really true. They all come alive, especially His Word, when I remember all the times God has been so distinctly involved in the nitty-gritty details of my life.

And so, at 23, I am living and breathing in His grace.

I am at lost for words for praise reports, and unsure of where I should start. Hopefully, these bullets will suffice:

• September 2016 - I enrolled for IELTS review
• February 2017 - I took the exam.
• March 2017 - Received my results. Failed to achieve my desired score for most of the countries I applied for, except for Canada. During this time, I had been at lost, challenged once again, began to question my abilities. It was like being denied that I cannot write the way IELTS required to get a band 7. I was short of 0.5. I then resorted to ask God what was his plan for me now that this is my reality. Is he redirecting me to a different path?
• In the same month, I once again visited the agency my uncle (who sponsored my going abroad) recommended. I was so lost at that time, telling God, acknowledging God I need his guidance and directions as I was not only heartbroken from the recent result, but I didn't know which step to take. The consequences of frustrations were also evident in my family. I understand where they are coming from for I myself have felt the same towards myself. But if I dwell on that part and focus on my failures instead of looking to God and his sovereignty, I cannot move on.

So now, after asking the Lord where I should go and what I should do next, I have decided that I will go for Canada as an immigrant. Now, I have to take the IELTS again but this time, in General Training band.

I pray that God will continue his work of sanctification and pruning as I abide in Him. Wherever I go, may he be glorified.

Amos 5:5-6

"do not seek Bethel,do not go to Gilgal,    do not journey to Beersheba.
For Gilgal will surely go into exile,    and Bethel will be reduced to nothing.”6 Seek the Lord and live,"

Write Again

Creek-eek-clunk-clunk-creek...


Do you hear that mechanical sound? Yep, that's the sound of my brain trying to express itself in words again.

It has been a long while since I last wrote. Work has taken up much of my time now. My days off are mostly spent sleeping. I read seldomly, too.  This isn't a form of complaint because believe me, I love my job. Yet like most jobs, it usually drains up the energy you would want to have for your hobbies.

Nevertheless, it's my rest day today.

Picture me in an uncrowded coffee shop, cafe macchiato waiting on the table, beside it are scattered notes for my IELTS review. Outside, it has just rained and the afternoon sun is hidden by dirty white clouds. So it's not eye-squintingly bright. Just perfect.

The truth is, I'm writing again not for the sake of actually being able to write for myself. It's for this IELTS exam. And because of that, I have a feeling of being a terrible person. It's like I betrayed the reasons governing writing, or something. Well I just hope my band scores do not suffer because of that. I cringe at the thought of it.

My test's not until early next year though, so I still got a lot of time 'preparing' for it. Listening, writing, and speaking has been hard. Reading's manageable. I need to have a band score of 7 above for me to earn extra credits to Canada. That's the plan. If the Lord wills, that's my pathway. But I leave the steering wheel for Him to maneuver wherever, whenever, however He wants me to go.

This is pointless. I'll try listening for now.

Hope is a Cruel Thing

Where were you when I needed you the most?
When everything seems to fall apart
and I was at my worst?
Did you say anything?
Any how are you's, nothing.
You didn't even asked how
I was doing in spite of it all.

When things were happy
and I was on a congratulatory mood.
Still you weren't there
No nothing. Heard nothing.

Happy
Sad
Or in between
you
just
weren't
There.

...

Then I realized,
you weren't there after all.
After all those times
you still weren't there.

You never were.
You never have.
You never will.

Never will.

Never.

In the Stillness

You have to be okay on your own. You should not need to seek emotional high from anyone, oftentimes mistaking it as love. If they reach out to you, good. It's their job in the first place. It's just unfortunate that you fell for the wrong person. But of course, considering your age, it is just as natural and not as uncommon as you think it is. You have to understand, value, and appreciate yourself on your own light so that when they do not do so, you are firmly grounded on the foundation of who you are as a singular person, and not in the identity that they give to you. 

Also, be careful of what you read and see, because if it is from the world then there's a big chance it will not be as reliable. Be careful on who you let to influence you. God said in Romans 12:2, "Do not conform yourself to the pattern of this world but be transformed inwardly by the renewing your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of your Father in heaven."

But of course that does not disregard the advices that you deem right and sound. Just like what Su gave you. It's a blessing from God to have such kind of people in your life. God really is amazing in his creation that he created us uniquely different from each other, so that when opinions are needed, it's always nice to hear from a different point of view.

What she said to me really left a mark in my mind. I know my place. I know who I am. And I do not need anyone's attention to feel beautiful, accepted, and more importantly, loved. I love myself the way I am, my family loves me, my friends love me, and most especially, if that list all crumbles down, I have my Jesus who already loves me even before I knew what love is. I do not need any guy to feed me up and then tear me down just because he is yet unstable in his ways too.

I believe that when I talk about love, GB still exists, and God is still molding us for each other. The fact that we aren't still together now is a clear sign that we are not yet ready. My hope is in the Lord, and he will not disappoint :) -Psalm 9:10

My identity is secured in Christ. I am his daughter, loved and treasured by my Father, the King of the heavens. Naturally speaking, I should be pursued. And pursued I should be. Just as any princess is to a King.

       My happiness is nothing compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus who is the source of my joy. Life is more than finding true love and GBs. It is be holding the fact that Jesus loves me, He died for me to have a relationship with Him, the kind of relationship that brings security, fullness in identity, and hope. Hope in what's to come. Hope found in eternal life with the Father. There's gotta be a reason why I am called The Bride. Because Jesus? He is my Bridegroom. He is the real GB. ❤ what amazing the Fathers love for us. That he would send his only son to rescue us. He has saved us, called us blameless, guides us now, and will sustain us. Oh how wonderful the Father's love!