God's Promise ♥

So, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe, that you have received it, & it will be yours. 

-Mark 11:24

Like She Had Been All Her Life

She's been listening to the rock songs again,
Like she had been all her life.

Every beat the drums made
Every string the guitars strummed
Every loud chorus she had heard
Solace, sweet solace, was what she found.

She drowned herself
on the depths of her thoughts
on the musical notes
made perceivable by the senses
through a piece of technology
that comes with a plug in the ears
probably, to make sure no sound from the outside world
would come seeping.
And hurt her again.

The good part about rock music
was that it was noise
but it made justice to how people
would define noise
as if it is an unwelcome visitor.

The noise was comforting
because it made more sense;
it made more sense than all those words
spoken and sang by lovers
confounded by the promises of love
as if it is this enchanted feeling
when it is the complete opposite.

She felt numb, devoid of any feeling.
And that was all she needed.
The numbness, the noise,
the bitterness of a truth.

The truth that she was alone.
Like she had been all her life.

Desiderata

Just 2 years ago, when I was still in high school, our teacher gave us this prose poem for us to work on and reflect for our Values Education subject.

When I read the poem, I was in awe of it's accuracy. This literally explained everything this world and it's people are going through for generations to generations. It is like an instruction on how to handle life in the world. Although nothing compared to the Bible, but this one is shorter but nonetheless very compelling.

I'm really grateful that I came across this poem for it has truly inspired me in ways I cannot imagine.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Desiderata
(Latin for: Desired Things)
by M. Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
They are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars
and you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusions of life.
Keep peace within your soul;
with all it's sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------


There had been controversies as to who truly wrote this poem because, from what I understood, it was mysteriously found on Old Saint Paul's Church in Baltimore, MD during 1692. Because of this, it has been referred to as The Baltimore Prayer.

It became a phenomenon, because of it's construction and history, however, literary detectives went to work on Desiderata. Soon, it's true story was slowly revealed.

They found out that it was really written in 1927, by Max Ehrmann, a poet/author and lawyer graduate from Harvard's School of Philosophy.

But despite all this, many questions still remain. And if you are interested in learning about the history of Desiderata, you may want to be redirected here.

We Look For Love

Not because it sucks to watch movies alone, it's sad to eat meals on your own, or because it's nice to cuddle up with someone on rainy days.

We look for love because we want to be accepted: For the sloppy way we dress, for the clumsy way we eat, for those bad hair days, and for the simplicity in us.

Because love is an act of acceptance that despite of our imperfections, we are still loved.

On Favorite Songs and Whatnot

Part I: On Favorite Songs
Being the music-obsessed that I am, I don't really have a favorite song. For me, asking about what your favorite song is is like making a mother choose between her children - hard and it's just not morally right! L0L.

Instead I prefer it to be asked like this: If all the songs on my playlist were deleted, and only one song will be spared, then it's this song:


It Might Be You
by Stephen Bishop

Time, I've been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life
Lying on the sand watching seabirds fly
Wishing there could be someone
Waiting home for me

Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
All of my life

Looking back as lovers go walking past
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last 
If I found the place would I recognize the face

Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake and there's so much love to make

I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life

I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before 
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you and
I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life 

It's you, it's you I've been waiting for all of my life
Maybe it's you, Maybe it's you I've been waiting for all of my life.

The green colored texts are some of my favorite lines in this song. This song somewhat describes the state of my love life status at the moment. No, this song is not dedicated to anyone, yet. I haven't found anyone who's worthy to hear me say, "Maybe it's you I've been waiting for all of my life". And with how things are around this time of my life, I am pretty sure it will be a long time before I could finally say those words.


And because of that, I'd like to elaborate more on this line:

"I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before"

I feel like I have a lot to share to someone -- lullabies, quotes, stories, plans, lyics, songs, etc. And I just keep it inside me, waiting for the one who is deserving to hear them all. I have been saving all these things for him, whenever he comes. 

Part II: Whatnot
My dad introduced me to this song when I was little, along with other 80's classics that he used to play on our vcd-player every morning on school days when I prepare for school during my elementary years. And when I arrive home, every once in a while there would be karaoke at our neighborhood and my dad would be singing all good songs from the generation where music was genuine and good (60's, 70's, to early 90's). And I kinda grew up in that environment.

I love listening to music. And that is not just your typical cliche term some people use. I really love listening to music! I could be walking down the grocery aisle and a random song with good tune comes up, I'd quickly get my cellphone to type in parts of the lyrics of that unknown good song and search it up on the internet. I'm the type that loves good music and treasures it. I can't sleep without my earphones on. Well, I could sleep but it's just not the same if I listen to music. My ears are sensitive to music. I think it's a compromise because I wasn't blessed with good singing voice nor any talent in playing an instrument, considering the fact that I grew up with musically-inclined people. 

I am not the instrument player, not the singer, nor the dancer. I am the listener. I listen, I remember the melody, I feel them inside and let them take me elsewhere just like how books take me to places I might never be at in real life. I'm a spectator, a wallflower, a listener. I listen to what the melody in the music tells me, and I listen to the words I hear in my mind as I read what the author is trying to tell me. And I understand.

The title is not as nonsensical and naive as the entry itself

"I'm better off without anybody."


But the painful truth is that none of the above statement is true.

You want the truth? Here's the truth:

I'm dying to feel something that makes me feel alive, in a romantic sense, that is.
I want to be found.
I want that feeling that you belong to someone, and that someone belongs to you.
That feeling when someone will look for your face in a sea of people, and smile at it when you're in sight.
I want to be the recipient of love letters/notes written on fancy scented papers/post-its.
I want to experience the feeling of receiving a single flower picked from their Mum's garden, instead of a pricey bouquet from commercialized flower shops. (But I don't really care whichever, L0L)
Most especially, I want to hear mixtapes of songs that remind me of Us, complete with hand-drawn scribbles/doodles on the cover.
I want someone to dedicate a love song or a quote from a book, just because they want to share the happiness they get whenever they come across those things.
I want someone to hold my hand.
I want the security that someone out there love you, whether you know him already and just not have realized it, or your paths will soon cross someday.

^
The above is just an example of how to sophisticate, sugarcoat, and euphemize the statement: "I want a boyfriend".

Hot Summer Nights

I know my title could give you queer thoughts, but the adjective there pertains to the weather on a summer night, particularly this one I am experiencing right now.

Usually in the place where I'm at, the average day temperature for April-May would be 32 degrees Celsius. At night it would drop to a considerable 22 degrees C, the usual day temperature for the -ber months.

I am not talking about the weather just because there are no more things to talk about, but because the weather now is actually worth a blog entry. Err, I don't make proper sense, do I?

- oOo -

At night when I am waiting for me to fly off to dreamland, I would gaze up at the window screen. My bed is situated close to the wall where my window is, you see. I especially positioned it that way not only to have all the cool night breeze I want, but to gaze at the stars of the night sky and trying to find where Orion is as well, although it is almost always detectable. Othertimes I make up my own constellations, like how these bunch of stars could connect and make up what seems to be a Daisy for me. It is a great view, and I always thank God for me to experience little wonders like that. I just wished my part of the night sky isn't polluted by Light from the city just a mile or two away though.

But the night tonight is different. I expected to see my constellations, but all I saw where gray clouds. I could see patches of the dark-blue sky, but it is small enough to be appreciated. Also, the temperature was warmer than the previous cloudless nights.

Was it going to rain? I hope so. It's a good compromise from a starless-night.


- oOo -

I have been currently reading two books at the moment:

1.) A .pdf copy of David Levithan and Rachel Cohn's Dash and Lily's Book of Dares. I'm not yet halfway and from what I can see, it is a good book. I'm sure teenagers of 13-16 would love to read it. But I am way past beyond that age range. If only I could've read this earlier, I would have appreciated it more.

2.) The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein. It is a prelude to The Lord of The Rings epic trilogy. My bestfriend, Franz (Sis) lent me the book which was originally owned by her sister, Ate Georgia. I'm already about 9 chapters more till the end and all I can say is that it is truly a work of art. First time to read Tolkein's and it has delighted me.The only thing I regret though is that I wish I read the Trilogy first, as there have been side-notes and if-you-remember's in some parts of the story. I'm eager to finish the book and start reading The Fellowship of the Ring after. :D

Caffeine in the Afternoon

There is this tagalog song entitled Ingat Ka (translate: Take Care) by an OPM (Original Pinoy Music) band which I love, Silent Sanctuary.

I've been a fan of them since I was still in highschool and their songs remind me of past loves and whatnot.

On one of the lyrics of that song:

"Hinay-hinay lang sa kape, lalong-lalo na sa tanghali"

(Rough translation: Be careful in drinking coffee especially in the afternoon)

For years I have been singing that song mentally and that line still puzzled me. Could that really mean something? Or was it just there to add rhyme?

Until one afternoon, today exactly, I decided to make myself a 150mL amount of 3-in-1 coffee. I'm not much of a fan for coffee and other coffee-flavoured things in the past but it all changed when I had to resort to something that could keep me awake during those hellweeks of exams. And I just got used to its bittersweet taste and figured out why most people came to love it.

So my afternoon-coffee tasted so good as I watched commercials on tv.

After I consumed all of it till the last drop, I started scanning my notes for next week's discussion on Bioethics.
But about an hour after that, it all sank in to me. I felt the effects of caffeine -- in the afternoon, that is.

I suffered terrible headaches, and I mean terrible that I had to lie down and just hope it would go away. I started feeling palpitations, with slight hand tremors. Oh it was a horrifying experience!

To conclude this post, I have now understood what that specific line on that song meant. I just understood it the hard way, though.

Today is the first day of Summer Class. We had to take the subject Strategies of Health Education. It was the only afternoon class for today and we were dismissed early due to some reasons too nonsense to make it to this post. And because of that, we were assigned to make a sort of book report about any book we like and reflect it on how it changed us.

I thought this was an interesting assignment, and I cannot wait to start.

But as I thought about which book I should choose, I came to a pause...a very long pause. Harry Potter series? Bob Ong's? Pride and Prejudice? Oh deer. They are great works, sure, but they do not have any impact of my life as what our Clinical Instructor instructed us. I just read them for leisure's sake. The realization that I barely read any literature in my life at all is slowly seeping into me! And the thought of it is just horrifying.

I knew I had to choose one book. But which one will it be? Then I remembered, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. What better opportunity to read it than now? I have no choice but to strain my eyes over a cheap E-book version of it. And so I did.

So here's what my mind came up to (pardon the poor sentence construction/word choice):

--------------------------------------------------------------

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

by Stephen Chbosky

“So, this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”

 "I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why."

The story revolves on Charlie and his first year in high school. Although he is not the popular type of guy or one of the geeks, he is a wallflower – a person who, because of shyness, unpopularity, or lack of a partner, remains at the side of a party or dance. They are those that observe almost everything and listen to everything you have to say without criticizing or judging. The story is told through a series of letters, the first one dated August 25, 1991 and the last is dated August 23, 1992. Each letter is addressed uniformly all though out – “Dear Friend” , whom Charlie does not know and has never met but looks up to as someone who has integrity thus worthy of being addressed to his letters.

The context of the story gave light on topics that seem, although some are not rampant in our culture setting, a problem that people in their teenage years experience. The rigors of school, of peer pressure, and of establishing a sense of identity. The more I got to know more about his life and everyone that are involved in it as he writes the letters to “Friend”, I could see myself in Charlie’s character. At some point in my life (specifically when I was in first year high school), I see myself as a wallflower because I go by the principle that the more you speak your mind, the more chances people will find errors in you. So basically, I have been passively living my life, not on the dance floor but just a mere spectator.

But then I realized how wrong I was going about that principle, because it did not permitted me to grow and be a better person. I did not made any progress in any aspects of my life. Even though I did not do anything that is “wrong” to the eyes of the people surrounding me, I haven’t done anything that is “right” either! And the thing that surprises me is that their opinions were not the ones keeping me to hide inside myself, my fears of being criticized did. For a short time in my life I have been living in fear. And for what seemed like eternity, I thought I would never make that great realization and get out of my shell. Well I guess that it is an important part of growing up, to get to know yourself more. Most importantly, I learned that it is not enough to be alive, you need to live. 

Before Sunrise, Before Sunset

This summer break, I have been busy doing marathons on movies, that is, and I watched a lot of interesting ones, those that I have been wanting to watch but did not have the resources (time, dvd, links, etc). So this summer break has been a great opportunity to spend my time for those stuff. Thanks to my helpful 'friend', I got this amazing website that just supplies what I need.


The movies that I ticked off of the list are:

• The Proposal. (very hilariously heart-warming, and Ryan Reynolds is just so HOT!)
• Jumper. (pretty good concept, if someone asked me what superpower I'd like to have, then I'd pick this one fo sure. It's like apparating in a modern-not-a-wizarding-way way. lol)
• Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging. (too teenflicky -- I mean if I was 14, I'd probably would have liked this so much but then I had to watch it because everyone else was talking about it...and yeah, well Aaron Johnson was so freakin cute on this movie, and the British accents, oh boy I could listen to it all day!)
• The Gods Must Be Crazy. (the 1980's classic, omg I am just so thankful I have come across this movie..Philosophy + Clean humor, in one film, very very classic. One of my top faves of all time) 
• and a couple of episodes from House M.D. and Skins UK (just to catch up on what I've missed). 

But the one special movie that has caught up my interest was Before Sunrise (1995). I googled something about top movies of all times (Okay I know what you're thinkin' but well it was worth the shot), and this movie kept on appearing on all the lists I have seen on almost every article I've read. So I thought, I could watch the trailer and see if it really proves it's worth, because I wasn't convinced with the movie poster. Well I guess it's just like the way they say it when it comes to books, that you don't judge it by it's cover. It's kinda same with the movie and it's poster. Okay so much about the poster. LOL. I'll just talk about how this movie and it's sequel produced 9 years after, Before Sunset (2004) touched me inside that I didn't know any film could do.

The movies, I must fearlessly say, has been one of the BEST movies I have seen in my ENTIRE LIFE yet. And the caps are there to emphasize it. You can call me whatever you want basing on this post but I have never cried so hard because of a movie as I have been with this. Like literally, I have been like a total mess with all the tears. And I cried like a baby, by that I mean like I sobbed with sounds coming from my mouth uncontrollably. 

In my opinion, the movie and it's sequel are very underrated. But I think it is just perfect that it is that way because that is what makes it even more special…apart from the very witty conversations and how the actors are just so natural, Hawke and Delpy, and the European setting, and just EVERYTHING about the movie. It is like a treasure, like, it is meant to be hidden deep, only to be found to those who are eager to find it, or to have the 'map' or 'compass', I should say. Well those things could be anything to any person, but I guess for me, they were...the links from google. (Har de har har).

Anyhow going back, It is that kind of movie that you cannot get over with for a couple of days, and when you do, there is always that part of your consciousness that reminds you about how everything went..the scenes, the conversation, the feeling and the mood. It is as if you are a part of the movie. And I think that every great movie should be like that. Like, the viewers should not be a viewer only, he/she should be part of the scene. There should be a connection between the characters and the audience. And as for me, I felt connected to the characters, and the emotions they are portraying through their lines and stuff they do on screen. It was as if, it was for me to see, for me to witness, to hear, to understand, to feel. I know I'm going so deep into this and I don't even know if I sound logical or I'm losing it but, I guess it's just have to be that way, you just have to feel it in an art that is this film, to make it one of your top favorites. I'm even afraid to look at the movie poster because the mixture of feelings, the ambivalence, all the feelings, is still there, and it brings a twinge to my heart. Man am I that fucked up already? I don't know. 

I am really glad I came across and witnessed this piece of art by Director Richard Linklater. I've never fallen in love with such good characters since (500) Days of Summer. 

Dear Lord,

Lord God, alam nyo naman po na mateknolohiya na ang panahon ngayon. Kaya idadaan ko po dito ang dasal ko. Lord, hindi naman po naiba ang thought nito at ang sinseridad na nasa puso ko kumpara ng mag dadasal ako sa simbahan, o sa kahit anong oras ng araw ko. Idadaan ko lang po dito yung panalangin ko sa Inyo kasi po tingin ko mas ma-eexpress ko pa po yung gusto kong sabihin sa Inyo.

Salamat po sa lahat ng biyayang pinagkaloob nyo sa akin, sa pamilya ko, at sa mga mahal ko sa buhay ngayong 2011. Sa totoo lang po, kahit medyo gipit na gipit kami sa pang material na kayamanan gaya ng pera, eh hindi naman po kayo nagkulang na biyayaan kami ng mga bagay na kelan man ay hindi ma-tutumbasan ng salapi. Gaya na lamang po ng aming kalusugan, lalong lalo na sa mga lolo at lola ko. Salamat at walang sakit ang dumatnan sa amin ngayong taon na ito. Special mention ko lang po si Lolo Gabriel ko. Lord, alam kong masaya na siya sa piling Nyo ngayon. Lolo Gabriel, alam ko na madadama mo itong message ko: Mahal po kita. Kahit paminsan2x lang akong bumibisita sa Fairview, mahal po kita. Tinatawagan ko po kayo dati ni Lola Carmen twing Christmas o New Year, naalala nyo pa po ba? Hindi ko na magagawa ngayon yan Lolo. Bukod sa wala ka na, eh wala na rin kaming telephone sa bahay. Pero Lolo, hindi na ako mababahala pa kasi alam kong kasama mo na ang Poong Maykapal. Na binigyan ka na nya ng Eternal Rest. At balang araw, magkikita tayo kasama si Lord. Yayakapin po kita, gaya ng pagyakap ko sa iyo tatlong araw bago kayo pumanaw. Naiiyak ako Lolo, kasi may mga pagkukulang din ako sa inyo. Pero mahal na mahal kita Lo, alam mo yan. At masaya ako na nakapagpahinga kana sa mundong ito.

Lord God, pasensya na at na ano pa yung topic. Hmmm, Lord, paulit ulit ko nalang tong sinasabi ang pagpapasalamat ko sa inyo. Eh kasi andami talaga ng biyaya. At salamat kasi nakikita ko yon, napagpahalagahan. Yun siguro yung importante. Yung Pagpapahalaga. Ipinagdarasal ko din po ang mga puso ng mga taong kulang sa pagpapahalaga. Sana makita nila ang Iyong pagmamahal sa araw araw na walang palya at hindi tumbas ng karangyaan sa buhay o kung ano mang pagpapala.

Lord God, tungkol naman po sa pag-aaral ko, unang una, nagpapasalamat po ako dahil sa simula't sapul, binigyan nyo po ako ng oportunidad na mahalin yung kursong Nursing kaya't naging madali nalang halos lahat ng leksyon sa akin. But despite of this, help me to be humble and not boast but not to the point that I won't honor any credits I have earned because of Your help and guidance. It has been almost 2 years sa College, at since day 1, alam kong hindi Nyo po ako pinabayaan. Hinihingi ko po na sana ipagpatuloy nyo po ang pag gguide sa hindi lang hanggang ma realize ko po yung dreams ko to be a nurse, pero hanggang po sa huling hininga ko believing in Your grace that have saved me ever since. Sa pang-araw araw ko po na buhay eskwela, inaamin kong hindi ko kaya lahat ng ito kung wala ang Inyong tulong. Nagkukulang po ako, at kelangan ko ang Inyong Divine Intervention upang tugunan ang pag kukulang ko. At higit sa lahat, ipinagdarasal ko po na sana, kahit anong mangyari, kahit magka-graduate ko po o makakita na ako ng trabaho, kahit saan ako mapunta sa mundong ito, SANA PO, hindi ko po makakalimutan ang True Essence of being a Nurse. Of being an angel to the sick through Your Grace. Alam kong madulas ang daan, at nakakasilaw ang pangmundong karangyaan, pero LORD, Strengthen my faith and devotion to the Nursing Advocacy. Na hindi ko po i-eequate yung pagiging nurse sa pera at greener pastures, kundi, ang pagtulong sa mga higit na nangangailangan through your Will and Grace.

Lord God, marami rin akong nagawang kasalanan sa taong ito at sa mga nakaraang taon. Sa kayrami nila eh puro temptation lang lahat nauugat. Temptation. Lord, ang dali dali ko lang ma-tukso. Kahit anong isipin ko, na tutukso agad ako. Ang dali ko lang magpadala sa galit, kaya kung ano ano na ang naiisip ko. Ano po ba yung kelangan ko Lord? Discipline po ba? or mas greater pa dun? Lord, sa twing nalalayo ka po sa akin, pa-alalahanin nyo po ako kung ano ang tama at ano ang mali. Help me to be still. Or not to be still.Kung takbuhan yung tukso, umusog ng ilang steps at para hindi na makakita ng opportunity na ma tempt ako ulit. Yan po yung challenge ko this year. Makakayanan ko, in your Name, I can resist temptation!

Marami pa akong idadasal Lord God, marami pa akong ikkwento, nakikinig ka po palagi alam ko yan. Salamat po sa pakikinig. I also pray for the people whose faith is wavering, na isang thread nalang ang nag cconnect. I pray for them Lord. Whoever they are. For it is of great sadness to think of little or no faith. I also pray for the depressed, oppressed, and homeless. That they may find solace in just a simple thought of You.

I love You Lord. Let me feel Your Presence everyday. Never let me be separated from You, my God :-)