Mountain Highs Only? No! But Also In Valley Lows

I cannot deny it. There is nothing I could hide from the Lord. I am still feeling what David must have felt when he talked about being in the slimy pit, the mud and mire, of which God had rescued him from. I am still in that often inexplicable pit of despair and despondency.

Despite of this, the Lord has never failed to aid me with his promises in his Word. He uses countless resources to reach me, such as Desiring God Facebook page, just to remind me of his promises. Coincidentally, I am now in chapter 3 of Numbers in my Old Testament series and it speaks volumes to me.

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil? (...) The LORD their God is with them, the shout of the King is among them. God brought them out of Egypt, they have the strength of a wild ox. There is no sorcery against Jacob, no divination against Israel; It will not be said of Jacob and of Israel, 'See what God has done!'."

(Numbers 3:19-23)

I am composing this entry to tell you, and myself, that God is still God even if you're feeling down and out from this earthly journey. God is still God, he is still sovereign over our every emotion that the enemy could use to lie to us and distort who God really is. In the valleys of our Christian walk, look to him, make his promises your stepping stones, continue to press on to know him most especially in times like this, they are making in us Faith - a thing much even more precious to God than fine Gold. Do not despise these moments. If tears be shed, and muscles be wasted from physical and emotional weakness, rejoice that your soul is well secured by Someone much stronger than you. Hope in him. He is greater than every thing you thought would give you joy. HE makes it by default that HE is our greatest Joy, and that is for our benefit and his glory, because HE will never leave us when all else does. HE will never forsake us when all else does.

When God allows us to be tested in the valley, he will provide us with Strength from the Holy Spirit, the same strength of Christ when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, to drink this bitter cup so we can first handedly say that we have Tasted and Seen that the Lord is Good. Keep pressing on. Humble yourself at his feet. He is faithful.

God is God in the mountain highs AND of the valley lows. He is so transcendent, the earth is his, there is no state of a person washed and redeemed by Christ that is not loved and known by the Father. For "even the darkness will not be dark to you, the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." May these promises in Psalm 139 give us comfort in the valleys of our lives.

 

Finding Joy In The Midst of Joylessness

Joy In Christ Alone

Realizations of a 'momentarily' joyless Christian.

“Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to you do I cry all the day. Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me. There is none like you among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like yours.” (Psalms 86:3-8, ESV)

Twenty five years. That's how long I have been a pilgrim on this earth. In the recent years of my journey, particularly a few months before my 25th birthday, I'm at a standstill: a failed relationship, waiting indefinitely for the Lord to act on my visa application, and a feeling of humdrum at work...I could honestly say that I have no joy in my heart right now. At least that’s what I feel. But as the Lord removed certain people in my life, He revealed to me how I was already primarily getting my joy out of that relationship instead of Him alone. The Lord is actually doing me a favor by doing that, although it hurts so much at first. No pruning is ever pleasant as the Bible says.

I find comfort in the words of David in Psalm 86 right now. I could feel his anguish as he penned this Psalm to the Lord, depicting his dependency upon God by calling upon him, and even crying out to him. I praise God that even as I go through periods of valleys in my life, I can cry out every pain to a God who listens and comforts.

Paul Washer once said in one of his sermons, “Jesus Christ promises us two things: Eternal life and a Cross to die on.” That is truly spot on. It reminds me of Jesus’s words in John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” It should not be a surprise to a genuine Christian when he undergoes trials in this world, as though a strange thing is happening. In the words of Peter who is arguably Jesus’ closest disciple, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” (1 Peter 4:12-13)

It should be pointed out though, that a Christian’s motivation to go on from this ordeal should not be the hope of better days here on this earth, or that the ordeal may lessen in degree..no that is not what exactly our Lord has promised. For if it is not in his good will that the yoke be lifted, it would only create frustration out of a bitter heart towards the Lord.

The motivation for a Christian to go on then must be from from a heart that longs to follow the will of his Master; to glean on as much as she can from this predicament the Lord has set her to go through. And go through she must, albeit not alone. For she could expect the same Spirit that was with David during the times he wrote the Psalm, especially Psalm 86, will also be with her.

The Lord is continually teaching me that true joy is not always relevant to the situation one is in. Everything else around you could fall apart, but if you have Christ with you, he will prove enough. So I say this together with David that indeed there is no good thing apart from the Lord, and he makes known to me the path of life; in His presence there is fullness of joy; at His right hand are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16).

In the times of waiting and uncertainty, God has stripped me off from everything I thought I needed, and gave me more than what I could ask for summed up in these three words: MORE OF HIM..For my joy is in my God.

 “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments.” (Habakkuk 3:17-19, ESV)

Why Are You Sending Me There?

"Why are you sending me to America, Lord?" My heart was unsettled by this question. "It is crucial for me to know your purpose for sending me there, Lord. What is it?"

A few Saturdays back during our small group meeting, we were exhorted by our leader that today's session would just be dedicated to us spending time with the Lord one on one, to have a  heart to heart talk with the Lord. At first I thought, spend time with God? Isn't that what I always do? So we were told to find a quiet place somewhere and meditate on the Lord and in his word. With our bibles on hand we did what we were told. I was eyeing that place near the stage but found another friend heading that way too so I politely gave way and headed to another direction.

I was looking around and found a vacant spot near the exit door to the terrace of our church. I positioned myself in such a way that I faced the glass door which has the view overlooking the city. I noticed a familiar view. This place had the exact same view I had when I received the news that I passed the board exams for nursing 4 years ago. Now, I am here once again, looking at the same view I gazed at that evening, just a floor lower now. As I sat there, I thought of God. I pondered on him like he was just beside me, like a friend. I thought, Wow God, this is it. Your faithfulness has carried me this far. I hold two licenses now, one was what you gave me four years ago which made me practice as nurse in the Philippines, and the other, to practice in the United States. Both licenses are wrought about by grace, both licenses carry testimonies of your goodness and unfailing provision. Four years ago I have found you faithful to give me that which I have prayed for so long, to be a nurse. Right here, in this very sanctuary, right where the Gospel also finally made sense to me and I received Christ as my Lord and Saviour. This was a fateful place indeed, to sit here now when I'm at the threshold of a new life waiting for me in America, with the man whom God has given me to love and cherish, and if He wills, to serve the Lord with him in ministry as a helpmate.

But is that all the reason why you're bringing me there? To follow the footsteps of typical of that of an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker)? That is, to work as a nurse, marry a godly man, have a family of our own, send money back to my homeland, retire, ..., die? The thought alarms me. No that cannot be it. I refuse to live my life like a standardised formula for moneymaking. The wordiness of that formula is a slap to 1 John 2:15-17. I refuse to simply conform.

Surely the Lord has greater purposes for me to coming to America. But What could be It?

My eyes were looking at the wonderful view of Cebu City at night, but my mind was adrift of to the heavens. I wanted to press on so much my heart inquires of the Lord for his purpose. I need to know it, I need to know his purpose, his divine will, so that I might not waste my life over some 'standardised formula' and how people will tell me how I should live my life.

As of this writing, I have not yet fully grasped his answer. I am confident he will tell me eventually, through whatever means he will use, for as long as he will be glorified in the process and in the answer, I will be appeased to wait upon it. Confident that he will prepare me for his answer, and equip me to carry those out.

Part of Sanctification: Fighting for Purity

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

God is holy. In some parts of the Scriptures, that attribute of God is even repeated thrice, “Holy Holy Holy is the LORD God Almighty!” And as children of God, we are also called to be holy. God is devoted to purity and holiness and also wills for us to walk in sanctification, as written in Thessalonians 4:3-5: that we should avoid sexual immorality, that each of us should learn to control our own bodies in a way that is holy and honorable, not passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. The verse clearly states that those who don’t know God pursue and practice those things – sexual immorality. They have no control over their own passions, but on the contrary, they let it drive them. God is omniscient; he knows that we have those desires in us because he made us to have those desires.

Ever since the LORD saved me by grace through faith in Christ Jesus, my walk with Christ has not been easy. I am not saying that in a surprised tone because the Bible clearly states in many instances that a believer will not only go through persecution for His Name, but expect loving discipline from the Father. As the writer of the book of Hebrews puts it, He chastises those he loves. Jesus gives this analogy on him being the Vine, and the Father the vinedresser, and we are the branches.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. – John 15:1-2

Most of his regeneration work in me is through the experiences he lets me go through. I believe in his sovereignty over all things in my life. He is in control and everything exists for his greater glory. In his sovereignty, he made me meet -. Ever since I met him five months ago, I have learned so many things that I would otherwise never learn alone. As I see it, we are two sinful people saved by God’s grace in Christ who, by God’s sovereignty, and for His sole glory, come together with the pursuit of marriage.

Five months ago, I was a very different person. Themes like Marriage and Sexual Purity are almost foreign to me. I read about it in Scriptures, but I never thought I will be putting it into application sooner. But as it is, the Lord operates on his own timeline, not mine. If it were me, I would think its so soon to even start being preoccupied about those things because I’m still single and marriage is too far out to happen. Boy I didn’t know I was in for a big surprise when he led - to me.

Being single in this lust-driven sinful world is not an easy battle, much more being in a relationship. The world around us promotes sexual immorality like it’s the normal thing to do and would even view Christians as an anomaly for not practicing it. Though it is hard, I consider it a blessing that God started this relationship being long distance, because the possibility of the danger of our hormones raging and the thrill of being in love with each other will eventually drive us to sin. I am not saying that being miles apart will exempt us from being careful.

Sometimes in our conversation, a harmless topic could spark into sexual innuendos. Most times, it would really stir something deep inside me (and him, too), thoughts that are not anymore pleasing to the Lord. I have struggled to keep my purity for the Lord. I despised the sin that so easily entangled me before and I am not keeping my guard down now. Jesus has paid a lofty price – Himself, to free me from that bondage of sin. How could I give the devil a foothold to delve in sexual immorality again disguised in another way. Had not been for the grace and mercy of God to keep us in sin, the spirit that would dominate now would be even greater because it will involve another person (which reminds me of the time when Jesus drove out the spirit out of the demon-possessed man).

It is a struggle, but Jesus promises it will be worth it. Jesus gives me and him sexuality to be practiced in the context of marriage. The Bible is explicitly saying that over and over again, so as to grill it into our hearts lest we forget. This is a new set of opportunity for us to be sanctified. “Pursue purity for Christ. Abstain from sexual immorality. Flee from temptation. He will provide a way out”, these are snippets of Scripture verses that the Spirit impresses on me in this walk. By His grace, He will preserve us. For His glory, and our good.

Helpful Resource:

https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-far-is-too-far-before-marriage

Bullets (and parentheses)

Hi.

How have you been, blogger?

Two months have passed since I last wrote you an entry. Well, not much has happened in between really so you didn't miss a lot. You can blame it to the ever brilliant minds of Google's developers, who seem to have left you to the oblivion that is "Website Only" mode. I feel bad for you, really. You have been such a resource for me ever since I started blogging before "blogging" was overused and became bastardized by these "bloggers" of the instagram era. It just goes to show how people these days have been used to instant gratification, mostly provided by pictures and moving pictures, that they simply won't have the energy to read words written in blank spaces because their attention spans are but a wee longer than that of a toddler. Gosh, it terrifies me to succumb to the fact that this world is truly headed for the worst, by which Biblically it is, - and social media seem to be hastening it.

Yet still I am one of the few who still tarry to read and write despite my personal critiques  are telling me I am not good in it anymore. The same personal critiques who tricked me to believing I was, at some point.

Anyway, I think I may be losing my finesse for typing in full sentences to express my thoughts - compounding that they are fragmented already. Dan said I may suffer from flight of ideas, an observation I would not contend as there may be some truth in his diagnosis. More so, I haven't been into much reading lately, despite the recent visitation of Big Bad Wolf booksale, of which I purchased Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee and The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje (I literally had to verify his surname's spelling so as not to humiliate myself, but I guess I just did so on the process? Ehhh).

I just missed writing. Writing for my self. Writing to impress others, and that pang when you feel like you didnt achieve that purpose.

But to stay true to the title of this entry...Bullets.

On the course of 2 months,

• I learned to cook some dishes. Adobong Bisaya, pinakupsan as my mother would call it, is not so hard to do. Very easy for beginners like me who still need to remind themselves that onions and garlics aren't the same, and there is a certain maneuver to properly cut vegetables without cutting your finger while doing so. 
• God has been so extensively unbelievably patient in my sanctification. I am so overwhelmed by it. I cannot even fathom the greatness of his love. He is not just a sideline to me. He is my everything. 
• Theology.
• Waiting. More waiting. 
• Sanctification. More sanctification.
• Love. More love. 
• Grace. More grace.
• D-. This guy. This blessing. I do not deserve him. I'm afraid of whats to happen. But God. His sovereignty overules everything, and I find my comfort in that. 
• and more Waiting. . .

So, yes, that's about it for now. See you in another,what, 2 months?

Kumusta Na Ka, Yiin? :)

I'm already halfway past the year that is 2018. Kumusta na ko?

Hmm, the Lord has been so faithful in everything that I do. Since the start of this year, his blessings have been all over me, pressed on, shaken together, running over. From me passing to NCLEX, and on and on, I am so overwhelmed by his favor.

Meeting D- has been life-changing, to say the least. I am fully confident of the Lord's sovereignty over what we have. Never in my mind did I think nga things would work out this way, but it did. His friendship is something I will always cherish and praise God for. The Lord has taught me so so much through him, not just in theology and growing in the faith, but in relationships - life, in general. Nothing's certain yet. But it makes me cling to God everyday. His mercies and grace are sufficient to sustain me everyday. Where would I be without Christ Jesus?


Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?


As if Christ is not enough, God also gives us graciously all things that would in turn give him the greater glory. But in all this, I am reminded still of Isaiah 41:16 which says:
You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up, and a gale will blow them away. But you will rejoice in the LORD and glory in the Holy One of Israel.


He will be my greater delight. In all this, my heart will say what the apostle Paul said:


Philippians 4:11-13
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.


Jesus is my satisfaction. Jesus is my all in all. Even if ma deny ko, or ma approve, or mag huwat, if there is one thing that he's teaching me in this season of waiting, in the season of seemingly unending uncertainties, the anxiety of whats to come...its this truth, HE IS CONSTANT. HE WILL BE ENOUGH. His mercy and grace will be enough to cover me for the days that I will wait. and I will soon find out that He is enough all along. That my savior, my Jesus, is transcendent to cover me no matter what his will would require of me. If I cry, I cry to him, If I doubt, his understanding and patience covers me, if I get tired, I will find my strength renewed in him. Now I finally have a glimpse on why the apostle Paul was untouchable during his ministry on earth, its because he is sustained by the all-sufficient Sustainer.


As for me, I may not now exactly what's gonna happen, what the Lord would require of me to go through, what things he will give me to learn, but my confidence lies in His Son, Jesus. Who bought me for Eternity. He will make it clear. I am under his mercy. No where do I want to be other than that.


So to answer that "Kumusta na ka, yiin?" question: For his greater glory and renown. In Christ. I am in Christ.

A Clearer View At The Back

I have always been that person who has no issues of having to sit at the front pews during Sunday services. I would go straight to occupy the front seats in church whenever I can. Just recently however, owing to the mandatory overtimes that have affected my Sat-Sun schedules, I have resorted to sitting at the back, not wanting to disturb others when I had to leave 30 minutes earlier before service ends. 

Sitting at the back, sure it didn't have this "one-on-one" feeling I get when seated at the first few rows, it didn't have the unobstructed view of the pulpit, there was a conscious fight of distraction that I wouldn't very much have to worry about when in front, however sitting at the back gave me a fresh view of who God is; that He is transcendent and actively at work even to the souls seated in the last, often unnoticed seats at church.

A few seats away from me was this noticeably huge-for-his-age teenage boy, and together with him was what I reckon is his mother. I'd like to call him John. Let's call him John. John's aura was unusually very friendly, shaking hands of every passer by and even shook my hand twice in occasion. I smiled at him, and so did most of the people near our seat. However good his mother is at maintaining her composure, her body language gave it away that her patience was slowly wearing thin. At that time, I thought to myself, Wow, how amazing God's love is. How great is patience towards us. How great is his grace. During worship, I glanced their way and I see him singing the songs a little louder than the rest but still, it touched my heart. If it touched my heart, how much more God's? I began to praise God more when I realize, we are all fallen beings. Perhaps just different version (I say 'version', not 'degree') of depravity from one another, but we are no different from John, we are altogether depraved. We are in need of a savior, a loving Father who is patient, a loving Father who understands our depraved nature and sends for us a Savior.

I remembered this quote from Rosario Washer's twitter account, it goes:

"He cannot refuse you. As I read in an old Puritan this week, he says, "Come to Jesus, sinner; and if you are lame, come lame; and if you say you have no feet, come on your stumps. Come as you can, for he cannot reject you till he denies himself. He must cease to be faithful before he can reject any sinner that comes humbly to rest upon him." Try him to-day, you aged people! Seek him, and he will be found by you. You young people, turn not your backs upon him! and you in middle life, O close in with him this day, and may he give you the water of life!"

Not only that, together with me at the back were the first timers at church - those who have the look of hesitancy but eagerness in their faces,  those who are seemingly apprehensive to raise their hands during worship, who don't yet know what quite to make of this, but here they are. Probably some of these faces are backsliders, who have been cold at some point in their Christian walk, and its their first Sunday to come back and may have been so afraid and ashamed of their selves but still, by the Holy Spirit's working, they are back again, worshiping, praising God, hearing his word once again, coming back to their first love. I look at these people and I see a reflection of myself. Like a baby learning their first steps, and God as a Father who is ever patient with a heart full of excitement and encouragement saying "... do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " (Isaiah 41:10) He truly is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. (Psalm 103:8)

I felt so humbled at the experience God put me through. If anything, it strengthened my faith in him, it edified me, it encouraged me, as God made himself manifest to me in that way. The more I know him, the more I fall in love with him. The more I know him, the more I want to know more of him. If God showed a portion of his being on that experience to me, I cannot imagine what grand it must be for Moses to taste God in a more intimate way (Exodus 33). My face is glowing, how Moses' face must be a thousand times radiant! Oh God, God of the universe, YAHWEH, what's not to love? The LORD is amazing in all his ways. My heart is bowed down, in awe and reverence of the works You do.

Romans 8:38-39 says,
"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Indeed, absolutely NOTHING can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord..Not even that disability you or your loved one has, not your backsliding, not your unsure heart (2 Timothy 2:13), not even a few seats back during Sunday service.


What a God! Praise His holy name!

Thoughts To Ponder Before You Begin Dating

Are you willing to stay and settle with this man for the next 50, 80 years? Are you willing to go with him wherever the Lord's ministry calls him through the Holy Spirit, as Ruth went with Naomi? Are you willing to wake up every-day to his face? Are you willing to share your household with him? Are you willing to make every decision of your life shared with and consulted by him? Are you willing to SUBMIT to him as the Church submits to Christ? Are you willing to walk in the Lord with *him* by your side? Are you willing to leave and cleave and be with him as one flesh? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with him?

It Finds Its Way To You

God's answer to every issue in my life right now,
whether in singleness or in career and future-wise:

Hebrews 12:2. Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Solid example about sa lovelife...
Naay song na ganahan ko. Had not I opened spotify, I would never have discovered it. Or so I thought. Because a couple of weeks after, while naa ko sa naga bay, nakadungog ko ato. And the feeling is still the same. So I realized na even if wala ko nka open sa spotify, life still has a way of letting me know about that song. Ana lang siguro. How does this relate to my lovelife? Well, in a godly perspective, if life - whom God is the author of - has a way of leading even a single song to me, how much more those weighty matters like a lifetime partner (LTP) and career?

It is indeed true that the earth is the Lord's, and everything in it (Psalm 24:1)...and everything is a reason to give thanks to the Father (1 Thes. 5:17), and nothing escapes his notice (Hebrews 4:13), he examines every heart, his eyes gaze to and fro to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him (2 Chron. 16:9), and that in his presence there is fullness of joy and at his right hand are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11).

So knowing this. I am fully confident in God through Christ in his fullness.

Journey to Becoming a USRN: A Testimony

Honestly, I had a hard time on how to start this entry. So many things have happened since I last made a blog post here, considering it's only been about a month. Well, this appears to be my first in year 2018. Like how I praisefully ended last year, I will start this year off with more and more praise and thanksgiving.

The highlight for the starting months would be my NCLEX. It is a state board exam for me to be licensed to practice in the USA. That "American Dream" was just a dream for me, so to speak, even when I was still a kid. A little trip down memory lane, as a child I always wanted to work 'abroad', and 'abroad' always meant the US. But as I graduated college and started working, the trend of nurses to apply for the US have been declining because of stricter laws. This has also negatively affected my dreams. I thought they were down the drain. I began to accept that.

But you know? God is just so amazingly unpredictable. As Isaiah 55:8-9 says,

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.

His thoughts are far greater than ours. And also Ephesians 3:20 declares,

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or think.

 and so many other verses with the common theme: God is GREATER. He is immeasurably over, above, and beyond everything. How amazing is it that He is our God? More than that, we are able to call Him "Abba, Father", all because of Christ!

Following my seemingly sad state of having a near-miss point in IELTS last year (see older entries), God has proven himself once again to be the REDEEMER that He is. Isn't it amazing that He, as if Christ's salvation and redemption is not enough, is also willing to redeem us from our each and every version of our pit, and build us back to beauty from ashes? Yep, I guess that is one of his many specialties that I am so thankful for. Oh, a christian's life is full of praising isn't it? Because the God that we serve is always worthy of it all! I don't want to apologize that I sound like I can't contain it because I really cannot! When I remember God's faithfulness, it's hard to keep it to yourself, to not share the joy, to just explode in praising and worship. No wonder God set eternity in the hearts of all his children because we need all eternity to praise and worship him.

Okay so where was I? Uhm yeah, so after days of wailing about how my score turned out for IELTS. I have hoped that I would really get it. Isn't it funny how you're so caught up in your dreams that it begins to cloud your spiritual senses? If I had passed that test, I would surely be in a place that I would regret in the long run. Another Jeremiah 29:11 promise brewing I might say. I'm just so thankful once again that God is sovereign. There were numerous times wherein God has overridden my self-will, and I cannot thank him enough for those times. Sometimes, despite how unbiblical this thought can be, I wish God would just take full control of me, my desires, since He knows best. Yet again, he doesn't want robots, he wants US - the raw us. He wants for us to willfully give him his love. What's even amazing is that, even the strength that is in us to give the love that He deserves does not come from us - It all comes from him! (1 John 4:19) WOW. So were is boasting? None! It is all to him. Wow.

When I was in despair, distraught that I had disappointed my parents, I didn't know where I would go next. I was without direction. If I were to speak in carnal terms, it seemed like God took my dream away from me leaving me with no clue on where next to go. I was so sure of it before, after this, I'd proceed to that, et cetera. As it turns out, I was in the place where every ounce of dream that I had has been drained off my system. Little did I know, even know as I look back, this is how the Lord sanctified Moses, David, Abraham, Paul, and all the other men in the Bible. God emptied them off of theirselves until they were now filled with HIM. Wow. T_T I cannot even fathom how God would consider me His temple through Christ. Yet he looks at Christ's righteousness, not on my own. I take off the old man, and put on the new one. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

So back to my story, I knew that gone are my plans of going to the countries I considered, but one night shift, I was assigned to another area because ICU didn't have any patients. To cut the story short, I got introduced to this agency called Avant by my colleague. She passed NCLEX and she's processing her US application, and she recommended me that I try to apply. Coincidentally, when I checked, Avant will be conducting an interview the next 2 weeks after that. Wow! Talk about God-ordained moment. I then got accepted in their 7-month review program, and this January 2018, I sit for the NCLEX in Makati- all expense paid!

I can't even begin to talk about my 2-day retreat with Jesus and me in Makati, thousand miles away from home, flying all by myself for the first time, to go to a place I don't have any single idea what it would be like. Oh what amazing and sweet time we had in Makati. I know it's not because of the liberty of being alone in a new place, nor the pressure I felt during while preparing for the exam. I knew it was because He was there, with every waking breath, every single space, every decision, He is there. His presence is just overwhelming. His word fell afresh on me as I meditate on it in the Hotel, in the way going elsewhere I need to go, even in my sleep, more so in my exam. I just felt, during this whole journey with him, that he's been carrying me. I'm literally not lifting any muscle, it's just been him all along.

Now you may be wondering why I attached a picture of some rocks put together some on top of another. Well, in the Old Testament, God always tell his people Israelites to remember and never forget his benefits (Psalm 103:2). That's why this serves as my "rock of remembrance", to remind myself that God has delivered me, God has redeemed me, and He will continue to give more of himself to me as I fix my eyes on Jesus no matter what comes my way in the next days.

For more info on rock of remembrances, you might want to check this website:
https://soulspartan.com/2014/01/27/altars-of-remembrance/

At various times in the Old Testament, God’s people set up a simple altar of remembrance at a place where God did an especially powerful miracle, at a place where God dramatically rescued His people, at a place where God taught them an important lesson. These altars of remembrance–constructed of simple, local stones–would serve to remind future generations of God’s past faithfulness in order to give them strength to continue trusting the LORD in their present trials.

 

To The God Who Restores: A Testimony

"My times are in Your hands..."

-Psalm 31:15 

The year that is 2017 has been a year of breaking, shedding, rearranging, to make room for more anointing. And indeed, God has been so keen and so involved even in the nitty gritty details of my life. How wonderful indeed it is to know that the God of the whole universe takes so much interest and care on what happens in this tiny heart who longs for Him.

Even though some dreams were not realized, God has replaced it with so much more! Even more than I could ever ask for. Truly, He is more concerned with my spiritual growth than any other growth of my life. And I am truly thankful for Him - even this zeal, this passion, this hunger for more of Jesus doesn't spring out from me...it comes from him. Mindblowing. I just look back, had God permitted me to go and work abroad, be busy for every preparation, I wouldn't experience his amazing work and in turn, I wouldn't have more revelations of Him.

I know he is a God who doesn't waste a hurt. Indeed, he never did! He rearranged my perspectives in life. He opened my eyes to see how he is working, how he's been faithful in every aspect of my life, my family, the people around me. He is sovereign over all. And I am just in the position of praise when I see how he is doing it all for His greater glory. It just leaves me in awe. He has got everything in his hands: He will command everything, arrange everything, while I am just here, kneeling in front of Him, serving Him with the strength He provides, giving Him the praises from the very breath he gave me, loving Him with the love he rains down upon me. For His Greater Glory.

So this year, and for ever more. I will always put my hope, my trust, my confidence, every single molecule of my being, to the One who has captivated me body and soul; to the One who owns my life bought with the precious Blood of Christ; to the One who knows me, who gave himself up for me, and who will come back for me, to bring me to the place He prepared for me, whose Name is above all names. JESUS the CHRIST.

Signed and sealed.